This week the designers show how green they are TWO ways – they use environmentally friendly clothing, and only a couple of them do particularly well at it. The others … well, to borrow a phrase from Charlie on last night’s “Shear Genius” (who won hairstylist of the year at the CosmoProf awards in Las Vegas a few weeks ago, FYI): Some of the designers may be green, but others were “neon green.” I think we now know why they keep referring to this pack as the “most diverse” group of designers instead of, say, the “most talented.”

It’s time to pick models! This turns out to be a decision fraught with more significance than usual, because it turns out that the models will not only be the ones trotting down the runway, they’ll be the ones going to Mood to buy fabric to make their eco-friendly cocktail dresses. Budget: $75.Most of the models freely admit they have no idea what to buy, so like a pack of freshmen girls in college, many of them end up getting the same brown fabric or champagne silk. It’s tough: I can’t imagine Mood stocks a huge supply of organic and eco-friendly material (thus the duplication), but we’ve all heard that satin is unforgiving and hard to work with. One model brings back jersey: Also a wrong choice, mostly because the fabric best known for T-shirts isn’t exactly also “cocktail dress” material. One is all excited because she brought back peacock feathers, and her designer gets huffy.

Back at the workroom, the designers get 30 minutes to “caucus” (yay!) with their models. Jerell is happy – could we buy that man a shirt? A dickey, maybe? Stella, meanwhile, is having a difference of opinion with her model, who wants something beachy and flowing while Stella says she’s more of an urban designer. She says her keywords are “elegant” and “classy” and it is then that the accent becomes even more hysterical. Looks like ‘70s Cher with no makeup, sounds like Penny Marshall on painkillers.

“Look at you, Drapey Draperson,” Kelli says to Stella, who really does have a sort of cool design going up on her dress form. Of course, Stella won’t actually be doing that design, she’s going to be doing something “cool and urban-looking, like me.” You are wearing a HOODIE. Shut up.

Wesley worries about not having enough of the right fabric — which is to say, any at all – but is so quiet and unassuming that I am distracted by trying to imagine him as a serial killer. And also trying to figure out if he’s (a) very cute, or (b) actually looks more like a cross between Hermey, the elf who wants to be a dentist, and Armin Shimerman, the principal on “Buffy the Vampire Slayer” and Quark on “Star Trek: Deep Space Nine.”

Tim time! When Korto tells him the darting he sees will appear on the outside of the dress, there’s a big long pause and then, “ohh,” which he says with this weird head-and-neck motion that reminds me of a cat bringing up a hairball. He warns her she will have to work to keep her dress from looking like a “hot mess.”

Tim declares himself “really excited” by Suede’s dress, which involves a bodice of crisscrossed strips of material over a skirt of overlaid tulle. In the early stages it doesn’t look great, but if Tim’s excited, I will suspend judgment. Leanne says there are a lot of “little floopy things” going on her dress, which helps set her dress apart from Joe and Wesley’s designs in the same material. (Jerell has dubbed them “Team Ugly Brown Fabric.”) Tim suggests she bring an editing eye to the dress, and Leanne is the first person of the year to receive the “Tim told me to do (X), but I decided against it because I have a lot of ideas / a lot of vision / a personal style to uphold” edit. I think we know how that ends up. (Why don’t they?)

Tim tells them the winner will not get immunity, but will get their outfit sold on Bluefly.com. Korto says that’s even better than immunity; after looking at Korto’s dress, I think she might want to reconsider.

(Right-click on each thumbnail to bring up the full-size photo in a new window.)

Keith’s stuck with the champagne silk, it looks like, and he created a kinda ugly halter dress with a too-short flouncy skirt that looks like it pulls up like Roman shades, with strings at the bottom that let you alter the length. (I assume it doesn’t, but it looks that way.) Terri’s navy sheath has a ruffled collar. Wesley’s dress is … not great. Sleeveless, with a lot of detail work that makes the satin look scrunched and wrinkled. …

You know what? I’m just going to pick my top three and bottom three.

TOP: Jennifer’s gray-draped orange dress had a beautiful shape and a Grecian feel. Kenley’s champagne silk sheath is great, but the collar reminds me of last season’s Christian. And I actually liked Daniel’s piece, although I am suspicious about why he insisted his model constantly keep her hands in her pockets. Does the skirt not have enough volume without it? (Also it is a little short.)

BOTTOM: Stella’s one-sleeved (and it is a LONG sleeve) dress, even with lacing up the sides. Jerell’s oddly gaping fringe-bottomed number. And, sorry, Wesley.

Did I mention guest judge is Natalie Portman, whose vegan shoe line was one of my first Shoe Hot or Nots?

Judging: In this challenge the designers are at even more of a disadvantage than usual. You know the judges are going to bring up the fabrics used, and none of the designers will say, “You know what? Why don’t you talk to my model here about bringing me two yards of satin, total?” I am glad to see the judges couch it in the manner of “you have to be careful how you work with the material,” and not “hey, poor choice of fabric.”

Speaking of satin … “For satin to work, it has to look like human hands didn’t touch it,” Michael Kors says of Wesley’s dress, and that’s certainly not the case. Of Stella’s dress, Nina says: “It’s much improved from last time,” which is damning with faint praise if I’ve ever heard it. How could she NOT improve over an ill-fitting dress made of cheap garbage bags?

I am surprised that they mention the length of Wesley’s dress but no mention is made (or at least televised) of dresses that are, or appear, incredibly shorter – like Stella’s. And Daniel’s. And Emily’s. And Jerell’s – I suspect that dark fringe is there just in case he needs to mask a woman who didn’t wax sufficiently.

Also, I have to call BS on Natalie Portman, who sits in her chair, all “I don’t like the effect of Leanne’s dress” when she’s pretty much wearing a green strapless version of said dress, minus a cap sleeve (or any sleeve). Granted, Natalie’s strips are smaller (and probably by Zac Posen) while Leanne’s may have used extraneous material, but the overall effect is similar — diagonal shirring/pleating/strips of fabric.

Anyway, the winner is Suede, who declares that “Suede (dirty word)ing rocked it!” Third person wins first place!

It’s down to Leanne and Wesley, and it’s bye-bye Boy Wonder, with your Robin-length short-shorts. I’m happy I got to see your tight abs once, at least.

Notable quotes:
– “Any decision that’s not Suede going home is the right decision.” (Suede)
– “Team Licious” (written on the chalkboard)
– “Suede’s a bisexual Sagittarius…” (Kissing a girl in 3rd grade does not make you bi, Suede.)
– “We like Suede, but he needs to stop talking in third person.” (Leanne)
– “Darthlicious” (Blayne’s name for Heidi, who like Darth Vader is “shiny on the outside,” but crazy inside)
– “Why don’t you remove the leather from the center of your front teeth?” (Stella, making fun of Blayne, making fun of Stella’s leather fetish.)
– “I think shiny, tight and short is the quickest way to look cheap.” (Nina, on Wesley’s dress)
– “Even curvy girls, they don’t want fins off their butt.” (Michael, on Korto’s dress)
– “We asked for fashion and got a school project.” (Heidi, on Leanne’s dress)

ammit

WHAT SAM WORE: 7/24/08
The shirt: Slim-cut cotton polo (H&M L.O.G.G.)
The pants: Classic khakis (Eddie Bauer — clearance!)
The shoes: Suede chukka boots by R.J. Colt (Last Chance)
The scent: The long-discontinued Versus by Gianni Versace, which I got 15+ years ago when I still lived in Colorado — thanks, Sharyn and P.J.!
Listening to: “Jager Yoga” by CSS

sammit

This entry was posted on Thursday, July 24th, 2008 at 7:57 am and is filed under Project Runway. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.