Bravo’s going green this season, and recycling past seasons — tonight’s episode features a rehash of the grocery store challenge from Season 1, even bringing back that challenge winner as guest judge. Perhaps remembering the woes of wilted produce, not many designers opt for using food as a design element, which earns them scorn from Tim Gunn. And I’ve already decided who I hate most.

That would be Blayne, who is tanorexic and Botoxed and still looks like, shall we say just this one last time, a hot tranny mess. (He might be the one thing that scares me off tanning: When we were watching the episode and I saw him on the roof, I turned to my friends and said, “OK, I don’t look like that, do I?”)

Also, he refers to his outfit as “Girlicious” — as in, when the judges say, “What is that?” he replies, “This is Girlicious.” No, that is craplicious (which my spell check insists on changing to “capricious.” If only that were the case). And I will not go too far into the red knit hat, except to say it is awful. AWFUL! Whoever those judges in Seattle are who named him most stylish man should be lined up and shot.In other news, Jerell (a) needs to look into buying actual shirts, and (b) appears to own stock in body oil, because he is very shiny-chested.

Stella likes to say her outfits are for “hookers or pimps or whoever’s tough enough to wear it.” You could say her designs are garbage, but …. Then there’s roommate Jennifer, who is comparatively speaking Rainbow Brite, all cheery and hopeful. I imagine this season might beat some of that out of her.

In another room are Leanne, Kenley and Emily, and with all of their bangs and cute style, it’s like a Jenny Lewis convention just broke out in the room.

Suede is 37, has a blue streak and a fauxhawk and refers to himself in the third person. I’m not too fond of him yet. Also in the fauxhawk corner is Jerry. Don’t pay too much attention to him. He’ll be gone soon. There is also Wesley, who seems to have a predilection for very short shorts. I find this distressing.

On the roof of Atlas apartments, Heidi is back down to model skinny, which distresses my friend Michael, who likes his Heidi with big boobs. Tim Gunn lauds the “most diverse” group of designers, which I translate as “scraping the bottom of the barrel,” and then shoots a champagne cork off the roof by accident. Tim Gunn killed someone in Manhattan that day.

The next morning at 4 a.m., a freshly suited Tim delights in waking up the designers and telling them they need to meet him downstairs. Who is that who’s already showered? She must still be on Italy time. They are playing hard and fast with the concept of time here, because when they start down the street that’s certainly not a 5 a.m. kind of sunlight.

They’re back at Gristedes, and Austin Scarlett pops in like some sort of Alice in Wonderland dandy to (a) remind us he’s still alive, and (b) announce he’ll be the guest judge. Daniel says Austin reminds him of “total glamour,” which makes me worry for Daniel’s sanity. They’ve got a half-hour to shop, and the rest of the day to work on their outfits.

I think I speak for the entire group when I say, “What the hell is Stella wearing?” There’s a shot of her running down the aisles and I see … a garter belt over striped tights, I think. It’s scary. In unrelated news, Suede mentions the phrase “wackadoodle.”

JoeJerry starts talking smack about the other people’s designs. “I saw that people were putting crap on top of crap,” he says. “That’s just stuff I throw away in the trash.” Big words, my friend, for someone who’s working with a shower curtain.

The phrase “I see a whole lot of tablecloth” is mentioned. Stella says “my fabric is trash,” which — ha! ha! — it’s actually trash BAGS. Apparently she’s used to dealing with the outside lawn bags, not the flimsy inside ones. It wouldn’t surprise me to learn she uses the outside ones as luggage, too. And maybe a roof.

(Right-click on each thumbnail below to bring the photo up in a full-size window.)

Innovators: Joe, who uses oven mitts and fusilli; Kelli, with vacuum cleaner bags; Daniel, 260 plastic cups; Terri, with a top made of braided mops; Jennifer, whose paper towel dress looks supercute.

Judging! Michael Kors is still orange. He says Jerry’s outfit looks like “a handi-wipe gone wrong.” Korto’s outfit, while heavy on tablecloth, was “the right girl, in the right dress, styled the right way.” Blayne’s outfit is “Playboy bunny gone grunge,” and looks like there’s an old diaper pushed between her legs.

Heidi says Stella’s outfit is “butt-ugly.” That can’t be good.

Kelli even made hook and eye fasteners out of spiral-bound notebook. She’s the winner, just over David’s plastic-cup dress.

And Jerry is out. This does not make me feel too bad.

ammit

WHAT SAM WORE: 7/10/08
The shirt: Short-sleeved knit pullover by Ben Sherman (Last Chance)
The pants: “Relax” jeans by Seven for All Mankind (Last Chance)
The shoes: Flip-flops by Quiksilver (Last Chance)
The scent: Kiss Him cologne spray
Listening to: “Great DJ” by The Ting Tings

sammit

Posted in: Project Runway |

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