Hell must be really cold right now, because after weeks of foundering, Ricky ends up winning this week’s challenge — much to the consternation of me and Tim Gunn. But while his tube-dress design for Levi’s charms the judges, Victorya’s take on the trench gives them the blues and she is eliminated.

But to build the suspense, we start with an interview with Ricky, who says, “It’s hard to be excited about everything when every time you go to elimination, you’re told you’re not good enough.” Well, I may be parsing words here, but I’m pretty sure they’re saying his designs aren’t good enough. If he managed to eke out good work every week (which I highly doubt will keep happening), he wouldn’t necessarily be a Bottom Two staple.

And I wish he would stop wearing the same freaking outfit. Here’s what he wore to the candy challenge, when I downloaded the photo. This week he’s wearing the same thing, only with a … briefcase? … instead of a messenger bag, and probably a different stupid hat. Seriously: You’re on national TV selling your image. Pull yourself together. The only clothing he looks like he should be selling comes from a van parked in a vacant lot.

Speaking of vans, the designers take a ride in one to a Port Authority pier. Very “Sopranos” – indeed, Chris jokes that they’ll be designing cement galoshes. But instead of Carmela, they meet Caroline Calvin, senior vice president of design for Levi’s. Now I know what Carmen Electra will look like in 2015 years. Or possibly Amanda Donohoe next week, if she tried to be all “edgy” and came off looking kind of stupid.

She and Tim Gunn tell the designers they’ve got 500-plus pairs of 501s to come up with an iconic denim look with the “originality and creativity that lives in the Levi’s brand.” Uh, didn’t your company close all of its U.S. plants because it’s $2 billion in debt because the last time it had originality and creativity – or at least popularity – was when I was in junior high? Don’t get too highfalutin’ there, Caroline. (This challenge does explain the frequent appearance of Levi’s ads this season.)

Anyway, the designers scurry to collect all the denim they can in three minutes. (How heavy is that denim? Because look at Rami’s guns there.) Just like in the candy challenge, Jillian can’t manage all the stuff she grabbed. “Jillian can’t manage” is going to become a frequent theme, I can tell.

Back at the workroom, Tim tells the designers they have “a ton of notions” from Levi’s, which delights me. I love-love-LOVE the word “notions.” They used to have it on one of the aisle signs at drugstores back in the day when I lived in Montana (then again, my hometown grocery store still labels the eggs section “cackleberries”), and just the concept of trying to explain the difference between “notions” and “sundries” still makes me smile. (In my world, notions are little gewgaws, replacements and last-minute helpers like buttons and needles, while sundries are wee packages of things like shaving cream or toothpaste.)

Where was I? Oh, yeah: they also have until midnight to work. But working alongside Christian must make those hours seem like an eternity, because we’re subjected to multiple cutaways to designers criticizing his immaturity, followed by footage of him acting immature. “I’m gonna die of barfness,” while amusing … you know what? No, it’s not. Week after week of it is getting very wearing.

However, so is week after week of Rami talking about growing up in Jerusalem and how it makes him so different from American designers, and Jillian talking about how she can’t manage her time, and Ricky always on the verge of tears, looking skyward a la Linda Richman. So while it makes me grit my teeth to hear Christian talking like a stuck-up high school girl – “I feel like I’m in first grade. I did that when I was in fashion school” – at least he’s inspiring a strong reaction in me. Even if it is hatred. Because some of the others are vaguely talented but like dead air.

Speaking of … Jillian is sort of peeved that Victorya’s making a coat, which Jillian considers too close to the one she made last week. Hey, it’s not like Jillian’s design is dramatically differerent, either. Let’s plop them side by side, shall we?

Besides, how many “iconic pieces” can you really make? Chris, Ricky and Rami are all going for the short dress, and Christian’s making yet another jacket. … Which looks great, but haven’t we seen this look before? A quick retrospective of what he’s done so far …

Jacket with big shoulders, jacket with big shoulders, jacket with big shoulders … I wouldn’t be so quick to diss Ricky for doing “the same boring thing since Day One,” my chicken one. You’re one couture dress away from sameness – and I’m pretty sure that big ol’ shoulder piece last week sprang from the mind of Chris March.

Tim Time! He appears to like Chris’ design but a rough edge on one side bothers him. Chris says he wants to keep it that way and Tim says, “Really?” in a way that clarifies that he doesn’t think it’s a good idea. “It looks incongruous to me.” I love vocabulary with Tim! It’s like “It Pays to Enrich Your Word Power” in Reader’s Digest, only with people getting kicked off, too.

Sweet P explains to Tim her plans for a denim wedding dress. His response: “Mmm-hmm.” She asks, “Is it scaring you”? His response: “Mmm-hmm,” in the exact same tone. Because Sweet P is savvy, she understands this is not a good thing – CHRIS – especially when Tim follows it up by describing her outfit as looking “happy hands at home” and “granny circle.” (The phrase “hippy-dippy” is also mentioned.) He even gives it the Macaulay Culkin in “Home Alone” hands-on-face gesture, then declares she must “resolve the skirt!”

As he walks out, I notice he’s clenching something in his left hand, Bob Dole-style. Does he always do that? Is he on Cialis?

The time crunch is driving Jillian a little crazy, although in true Jillian style her emotional output at “breakdown” is most other people’s emotional output if they forget to put cream in their coffee. She starts whining about how she keeps cutting herself. “I’m bleeding everywhere,” she says, but Rami (and I) can’t see it. She interviews that she’s always stabbing her fingertips. Don’t designers use thimbles? You know, you can find them IN THE NOTIONS SECTION.

Ever-pragmatic, Sweet P tells Jillian she can freak out “in 10 minutes,” when the workday is done. But she’s got to keep sewing until then.

The next morning we see a shot of the girls getting ready … spraying moisturizer on their faces, applying aerosol-style hairspray … and that’s in room 23H, which I think stands for “homosexuals,” because I was referring to the guys. By comparison, the women’s preparations consist of Jillian dabbing concealer on her eyes.

“Despite all of this,” Victorya says, “I wanna make it to the finals.” Not likely, since earlier in the episode she talked about her mother and how she hoped she’d be proud. If we learned anything from Elisa (besides how to mark your clothing with saliva) it’s NEVER INTERVIEW ABOUT YOUR FAMILY MEMBERS. They only use that footage if they’re kicking you off. Chris – who is rapidly approaching Christian Territory when it comes to dissing other designers – says Victorya’s outfit is basically just “a jacket with some stuff added on.” And he’s right.

Well, Chris needs to add the overly dramatic exaggerations: “If I see another tube dress, I’m gonna kill myself,” Christian says. (Promises, promises.).” I can’t even stand it. I’m gonna die.”

Meanwhile, Jillian interviews: “I should have simplified my design.” She has trouble every week. Do these people ever apply the lessons learned to the following weeks?

On the runway, designers are grinning when Heidi trots out. I wonder if they’re secretly laughing at her supersparkly dress and squashed boobs. Nobody’s laughing when she tells them there will be no more immunity this season for weekly winners.

Judges: Nina Garcia needs to invest in a serum that tames flyaways. And Caroline Calvin is back. I see that what I thought was just a hair accessory – a spiky pink/red scrunchie that held her hair back into a ponytail – is actually her hair, which has been pulled back into a bun with spiky loose edges, which shows the originality and creativity of high school juniors headed to prom. Back when Spikerz were all the rage. (A typical product review now starts off: “My son is 12, and loves video games and movies.”) No wonder that company’s in trouble.

The best thing I can say about Chris’ denim outfit is that I like his model’s shoes. It’s a pretty tame (or is that lame?) halter dress with nice seaming at the sides (although the edges are, as Tim pointed out, rough) – not exactly a denim version of the “iconic little black dress,” as he had hoped. Although the photo here doesn’t do it justice, at least Ricky’s version includes the button-fly buttons as decorative details, and the seaming on the corset-style top is pretty great. I think the ruffled bottom puts it in Paris Hilton Party Dress territory, though. Sweet P has lopped off the bottom of her wedding gown and turned it into a sheath – the patchwork effect includes some geometric play, with slimming dark panels at the side. It reminds me of a little too much “soft denim” from the 70s, though.

Victorya’s trench looks … like a Levi’s jacket writ longer. Not too much is different. Rami’s dress, however, is pretty awesome. I could do without the sailor-style buttons at the waist, but the zipper detailing at the seams is great, and I love the asymmetrical but rounded collar. I think that’s my favorite look of the bunch. Christian describes his jacket as “pretty fierce” and mentions he made the pants by attaching jacket sleeves onto the ends of jeans.

Jillian says she “almost kind of liked” her outfit, but I’m giving it the thumbs-down. Does Levi’s even make jeans in that superfaded wash? And what’s with those ruffled cuffs?

All the designers stay on the runway. The judges start with Christian, who talks about how he was going for a trucker/motorcycle kind of look. He’s all proud of the jacket … but they only talk about the pants. Nina suggests he may have invented some sort of motocross jean. “That’s exactly what I was going for,” he says, too quickly. They dismiss Chris’ piece as looking dated, and “home-sewn.” They call Rami’s clean, well-done and sophisticated (which they apparently don’t consider a dirty word this week).

Michael Kors, in an attempt to prove he’s hip with the kids, declares that he loves Amy Winehouse! Ricky’s model has a beehive, you see. (And maybe a heroin problem. You never know.) The judges dclare the look as impeccable, which of course drives Ricky to the brink of tears. Heidi cuts right to the chase: “What is up with you?” she asks, and he starts babbling about how you never know if you’re good or not, and Michael Kors says, “It doesn’t go away.” Learn how to control the waterworks, crybaby.

Heidi says “today I’m not so much in love” with Jillian’s design. There are too many ideas going on, and the outfit’s not flattering. Sweet P’s is declared “super chic,” and Michael Kors says “it’s got the voodoo,” which Heidi amends to be “slimming voodoo.” The Levi’s lady misses the 501 part of it. From the way she was talking to Ricky, you know she wants to wear that straight to some industry party, which again: Caroline Calvin, you are not 22 years old. You are not allowed to wear that dress. Ever. Victorya’s is too conventional, and looks “like a reconnoitered jean jacket.”

Other bon mots from the judges: Ricky “is showing me the lingerie experience,” Michael Kors says, which sounds kind of … gross, really. He also declares that “denim is the opposite of jersey,” which no doubt will show up on the SATs and ACTs next season.

Anyway, everyone’s safe except last week’s Team Last Minute, Victorya and Jillian. (Another lesson from this week’s episode: no more coats.) And as we all know, Victorya’s out.

Next week: another field trip!

sammit

WHAT SAM WORE: 1/24/08
The shirt: Heavy cotton/poly short-sleeved shirt by Fred & Howard (Last Chance, 2007)
The pants: Pinstriped button-fly lightweight trousers (Gap, 2006)
The shoes: Suede trainers by Puma (Last Chance, 2007)
The scent: Visit by Azzaro

sammit

Posted in: Project Runway |

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