Little flashes before the challenge starts: Chris suggests “Project Runway” should have a perfume; he and Rami decide it would smell of tears, sweat and Chinese food. In another room, we learn that Kevin shirtless does not equal Jack shirtless.On to the runway! Because last week’s was a men’s challenge, we’ve got TWO female models who have to go. Long story short: Jack and Ricky switch models, and two others go home. It’s weird that nobody else gets to pick in the order of the black velvet bag, but hey, it’s a time-saver so I’m all for it.

Heidi tells the designers Tim has a guest in the workroom – and she’s brought some old friends with her. Sweet P thinks that means “senior citizens”; I thought maybe the already-booted designers would be back already for a chance to get back in the game. Instead, it’s Nina Garcia with some illustrations of outdated fashions from past decades – everything from zoot suits to pleather. “These are definitely out,” Nina says – much to the chagrin of Jillian, who’s wearing the overalls shown on one of the cards. The designers then pick one each.

They’ll be working in teams to create a collection of three looks that incorporates all three trends and makes them “cohesive and relevant for today.” They’ve got 1 minute to pick teams. Some pick by proximity (Jillian/Rami/Kevin); others by compatibility of trend (Victorya/Elisa/Ricky); others by “fun factor” (Kit/Jack/Christian). Oh, and (Chris/Steven/Sweet P ), too.

Then they pick team leaders: Jillian, Christian, Chris and … because both Sweet P and Victorya say “not it,” Ricky by default.To recap the trend teams:
Team Jillian: Overalls, poodle skirt, ‘70s flare.
Team Ricky: Neon, cutouts, underwear as outerwear.
Team Christian: Pleather (which Jack calls “Britney Spears on crack”), fringe, zoot suit.
Team Chris: Dancewear, shoulder pads, baggy sweater.
Team Sammit: Distracted, impatient, kind of sleepy.

Some teams decide to incorporate all three looks into all three garments – the collar of one Team Jillian sleeveless blouse will puff outward in a nod to the poodle skirt, for example. Team Chris, however, realizes you can’t do a shoulder pad and a baggy sweater, so they decide to have one trend each but still work toward cohesiveness. (Key words: “Work toward.”)

Scurry, scurry at Mood. Ricky decides to work with duchesse satin. Chris rejects a fabric because he says it looks like “grandma’s goddamn couch” – which, part 1, he’s got some nerve talking, consider what we’ve seen him design and, part 2, one of the materials he ended up selecting instead is no better.

This episode’s debate: Is it better to get your disagreements out in the open, or snipe quietly and do nothing?

In the “open” corner: Ricky vs. Victorya. She’s not accepting any criticism from Ricky and, although she says “I don’t like to be a bossy cow,” she certainly is acting like one. However, with Ricky as captain – another goddamn Conjunction Junction hat! – I would probably revert to that as well. Meanwhile, he works with Elisa to translate Victorya’s suggestions into Crazy Lady Speak that Elisa will understand – things like “sculpt the fabric to fit” and “find your center.” He begins his explanatory sentence with: “When you’re a modern dancer –“ and I don’t care what he says after that.

In the “snipe” corner, Jillian is, in her methadone low-decibel voice, complaining about Kevin’s work. When the models come in to be fitted, his model is larger than Jillian, so his shorts will have to be reformulated because there’s not enough time to recut.

Steven does this season’s first Tim Gunn impression: “Designers, I’m afraid to tell you you’re screwed.” Funny, but no Santino. Yet.

Team Christian’s getting very little screen time, which means they’re safe. He does interview about how incredible his collection is and how it will win, which means … it won’t, and we’ll get another shot of him pursing his little lips tightly in disappointment. It’s like a guarantee each week. Like Christian describing something as “fierce,” or Ricky ending up in the bottom two. Yet, this week, he DOES NOT CRY. At least as far as I saw.

Victorya decides her outfit looks like something “a harlequin would wear to a festival” – she says “harlequin,” I think “harlot” – and the “glaringly awful” design needs to change. So she begins to do so – without consulting her team leader. He offers critiques about the criss-cross neckline, which she rejects.

Team Chris: Steven says Chris keeps telling him, “Girl, this jacket’s gonna be hot, don’t worry about it,” but his expression reveals that he is worried about it.

Team Jillian: She’s complaining, in that same tone, to Rami about how she can’t believe “when you’re a designer” you can’t finish a pair of shorts in a day. Rami says it’s about a miscalculation of time, and she should be riding Kevin a bit harder. Can I make a suggestion: How about offering to help, rather than skulk around and bitch? It is your team, after all.

Tim Time! Christian’s group gets the quick OK. Chris’ group needs to think modern, modern. Team Jillian gets the quick OK. Team Ricky’s garments aren’t looking very well-finished or refined. Victorya starts talking about how SHE had these two designs in mind, to which Tim asks isn’t Ricky the team leader? This finally gets them to discuss what’s going on. Strong will vs. “go with it.” Unfortunately, strong will is not on the leader, and “go with it” is not on subordinate. Ricky says she’s passive-aggressive, and wanted to be the leader but “didn’t have the balls” to be the leader. Unfortunate turn of phrase to describe a woman, but I agree with the principle.

11:15 p.m.:. Jillian’s still complaining, Kevin’s still working, and Ricky and Victorya are still arguing.

The day of the show, Kevin needs to “pull a magic rabbit out of my ass” – which sounds uncomfortable, and everyone knows real fur is taboo on the runway nowadays. Nevertheless, he’s pounding buttons with the soles of shoes to get done.

Victorya v. Ricky, part infinity: She likes flat bodice, he says, “I don’t think smashing her boobs is a polished look.” For once, she listens to him and repins it.

Kevin pulls off a garment and Jillian goes into guilt mode for doubting him.

Christian says Team Ricky’s collection is horribly ugly – not that Team Chris’ is any better. “That jacket was pure costume,” he sniffs. “The judges might die over it … or die because of it.”

Runway time! Heidi is wearing a cute, short one-shouldered dress … with a belt with a deliberately lopsided buckle. While she’s describing the week’s challenge, you can see the designers staring at it, then trying not to look at it. Guest judge is a suspiciously refreshed-looking Donna Karan.

Each team’s models hit the catwalk.

Team Jillian: Overalls, poodle skirt, ’70s flare.
Designers, from left: Jillian, Rami, Kevin

Team Christian: Pleather, fringe, zoot suit.
Designers, from left: Kit, Jack, Christian

Team Chris: Dancewear, shoulder pads, baggy sweater.
Designers, from left: Sweet P, Steven, Chris

Team Ricky: Neon, cutouts, underwear as outerwear.
Designers, from left: Victorya, Elisa, Ricky

After scoring, Heidi announces there was a clear winner, which they’ll announce first: Congratulations, Team Jillian! Christian’s team is “safe, too.”

So it’s down to teams Chris and Ricky. Chris’ team is called out for lack of cohesiveness between garments. Michael Kors says, “these are three girls from three different fashion shows,” and Chris’ outfit was “not a new take on shoulder pads” and the dress looked like “a beauty pageant, but in camel.” Sweet P’s dress earns kudos, though.

The judges like the concept of Elisa’s shift dress, but Ricky’s garment looks poorly constructed. Elisa points out that Ricky helped her with the drape of the satin, and Victorya admits that he suggested changing the fit they just complimented. Michael Kors points out Ricky picked “one of the most impossible fabrics” and thus threw himself into a terrible disadvantage. The Victorya/Ricky dynamic is discussed. Again.

When it comes down to who they’d pick to get the boot, Ricky and Victorya pick each other, naturally. Elisa, naturally, picks herself, because that makes no sense.

Steve elects Chris because of the criticism for the garment; Chris picks himself, too, and Sweet P picks Steven’s because his outfit “stands out as more separate.”

The most damning part of the discussion is when they point out the challenge was to “make it relevant” and “make it cohesive,” and Chris did neither.

Everyone’s called back out, and then it’s down to – no surprise – Ricky and Chris. Both were team captains, both ended up with the worst look of the three on their team.

And because we need more waterworks and less fun, Chris is out.
Next week: Heidi wears an awful skirt. And, something else. Whatever.

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