On week two I’m paying a little closer attention to the opening credits, and when Jillian gets her close-up – “That’s me!” – she takes a weird curtsey/bow, and I’m reminded of Amy Poehler’s “Saturday Night Live” character Amber, because she’s rockin’ one leg, y’all. … Jealous much? And this is all I’ll mention of Jillian all week

The boy designers miss Simone; meanwhile, Elisa says she’s looking forward to “taking what the judges had said and incorporating that into my own process of creation.” Man, she’s gonna bug, isn’t she?

There is model picking. Ricky picks Elisa’s, and his ends up going home.

Heidi tells the designers they’ll be working with a “pop culture and fashion icon” – which in past seasons has meant Barbie or Nicky Hilton, so I’m not sure why the designers get so excited. Tim will introduce them in the workroom.

The designers guess Madonna, Britney Spears … Rami suggests Snow White, but it’s someone only slightly younger – Sarah Jessica Parker. The designers are soiling themselves with excitement, and Chris is crying. I, meanwhile, am wondering how long it will take before she mentions her clothing line, which is called –

They’ll be designing “a two-piece look for my new clothing line, Bitten,” she tells them. There’s lots of credos mentioned, and I wonder if any of the designer know the price point of her line. (It’s sold at Steve and Barry’s, also home of the $14.98 Starbury athletic shoes by Stephon Marbury.) By the way their jaws drop when they find out they’ve got a $15 budget, apparently not. “I think we’re going to be using toilet paper and Scotch tape,” Chris says.

It’s also time for a team challenge! Sarah Jessica will pick seven designs; Sweet P makes the bad “ooh” face, fearing the worst. She might be psychic.

Ricky is bawling in his interviews. He did bad last time, and he just wants Sarah Jessica to like his outfit.

Time to pitch their designs! Three highlights: Elisa starts by saying that she likes things that are polymorphic, which makes Sarah Jessica’s eyebrows – and mine – go up. You know Elisa’s gonna get picked just for the potential train wreck potential. Kevin wanders off, leaving Sarah Jessica’s outstretched hand there, waiting. Carmen is doing the hard sell: “Carmen like the opera, Webber like the baller.”

SJP picks: Elisa (“quite ambitious”); Kit; Victorya (“I suspect you have the skills to take something very simple and make it very nice and startling”); Marion; Ricky; Christian and Rami. It’s announced that the winning design may be sold as part of the Bitten fall collection. Notice use of MAY (conditional), not WILL …

The teams: Marion/Steve; Ricky/Jack; Victorya/Kevin; Kit/Chris; Rami/Jillian; Christian/Carmen. Which leaves Elisa and Sweet P, who is not thrilled.

It’s off to Mood, where as one designer puts it, “generally $15 won’t buy you anything.” Sweet P begins hectoring Elisa before they’re even out of the store about how she needs to finish her seams this time. They’ve got eight hours.

Their design is a cape and, of course, a polymorphic dress, which means it can be worn different ways (or, literally, that it can take different shapes, which makes it sound more like a Transformer and less like a $10 dress). At a certain point Elisa marks the dress with saliva, and Sweet P freaks out: “What is going on?” and crosses herself. “I want to imbibe it with energy and essence,” Elisa says. Sweet P is going to go insane: “I’m fine, you’re fine, I’m on planet Earth and Elisa is on some happy planet, I’m not sure of the name.”

Ricky is crying again – this time out of happiness his garment looks so nice. Is he going to cry on the clothing to mark with essence of salty tears?

Tim Time! He is concerned about Marion’s elaborate skirt – as is Steven, who says he’s got a ton of work to do. Tim also is concerned about Christian’s outfit, which looks a little retro. “Make it 2007,” he suggests, and Christian breathes, “I think it’s perfect.” Then he interviews how he listens to other people’s advice and then … ignores it.

Tim likes Victoria’s outfit, but calls Elisa’s hand-stitching techniques “cuckoo.” At that point she backs off from her Goo-Goo for Gaia and lets Sweet P start making suggestions (and doing a lot of the work on the dress, while she works on the cape.)

With 35 minutes left, Marion is hovering over Steven, who’s sewing, sewing, sewing. Is it done? Of course it’s not. Did Tim not express concern about how intricate it was?

Also, someone mentions in passing that Elisa doesn’t know how to use a sewing machine. Is that true, and why she does all hand stitching?

Tim comes in 1 hour before the show and it’s model time! Kit’s gets a beret to go with her sweater, which looks kind of French. Marion was off more than an inch in the waist and the bust, so it’s not going to fit well. Miraculously, the combination of Planet Elisa and Planet Sweet P created a pretty sweet looking dress and vest. Sweet P is simultaneously pleased and stunned.

Christian’s outfit is skintight – his model looks like she has a pot belly – but he says he wouldn’t be surprised if he makes it to the final two “and the judges say no, we’re going with someone boring.” This one needs, as La Tyra and her Jays put it at the beginning of this cycle’s “Top Model,” a high-fashion ass whupping.

Time for the runway! Heidi is wearing an oddly bedazzled black sweater that makes me wonder if it’s part of the Bitten line. Again, she stresses that the winning outfit MAY sell in Steve & Barry’s stores. The judges will score the outfits, but only Sarah Jessica Parker will pick the winner.

(As always, click on the thumbnail to be taken to a larger, full-frame photo. These are alphabetical: Christian; Elisa; Kit; Marion; Rami; Ricky; Victorya.

Kit’s black fleece and jersey top is cute but I don’t like how it’s paired with brown leggings. Heidi has a weird face while she’s examining the look.

Elisa’s dress is pretty amazing, actually. Again in a vibrant blue (but I think Sweet P picked colors), with a gray flannel-looking cape. The more I look at it, the more I like the dress, but not necessarily the cape.

Rami’s outfit looks very smocky to me.

Marion’s is … awful. It’s a rough knit, so it’s sheer through the chest, and it has this weird rough Navajo/buffalo jacket fringe feel to it.

Victorya’s model does the commanded fierce stomp; her floaty black dress with mini plaid vest is cute.

Christian has created a totally 1980s jacket with big shoulders – hey, like last week! – and a tight tube dress that makes his model look chubby. Flattering!

Ricky’s dress is a flirty little raspberry number, with vertical pleating at the front and gathering at the neckline.

Time for deliberations! One will be the winner, and one “or more” of you will be out. Heidi is devious!

The four teams that are kept: Victorya, Marion, Christian and Elisa.

Sarah Jessica calls Victorya’s outfit “charming,” and says the designer “listened to what we were hoping to see.”

They’re being generous when they describe Marion’s outfit as “a nice idea,” with awkward proportions. I’m with Michael Kors, who says the model looks like Pocahontas. “All she needs is a headband and a feather.” Heidi says the outfit looks like it was brought up from a basement: “It looks dirty, like a rag.”

Elisa gets time to explain her polymorphic concept, “It can be worn an infinite number of ways.” When Sweet P discusses what it’s like to work with her, the judges are shocked to hear about the saliva incident. “You shouldn’t tell people that,” Heidi says in amazement. “People might not like to hear you spit on their clothes.” But they love her dress.

While they’re going on about how they love it, Christian realizes he’s up there because he’s in the BOTTOM two, not the top two. “It’s a lot of look, I know,” he says defensively, in that way that makes it sound like it’s the judges’ fault for not being able to handle the greatness of his designs. They, in turn, refer to it as ’80s redux, Thierry Mugler, “Addicted to Love.”

He’s having none of it: “I want to hear what Sarah Jessica Parker has to say,” he prats, “because I think it’s so much like my sketch.” She says the sketch was not as severe as the dress on the runway. Heidi asks Carmen if it came down to her or Christian, who should be sent home, and she starts sobbing and procrastinating with an answer until Christian volunteers. Marion does likewise when his team is asked. Steven pipes up briefly that it wasn’t like Marion did the entire garment so some blame could be shared, but when Heidi asks if that means both of them should go, he says, “I don’t like the idea of that, no.” And this is when I realize that he squints an awful lot, and thus reminds me of French Stewart playing that alien on “Third Rock.”

Elisa’s cape is cute; she “took what seemed insane and whimsy and turned it into two great pieces.” Marion’s, on the other hand, “was sad,” and a short woman who wore it would resemble Cousin Itt.

They also hated Christian’s outfit: “Big button earrings and you’re on ‘The Facts of Life,’ ” Michael Kors says. Other designers begin to defend him, but Michael says that Christian had every intention of doing exactly what he wanted.

Only one person will go home tonight. And it won’t be Victorya, because she’s the challenge winner. SJP announces they will indeed sell the outfit in the stores. So Kevin, Sweet P and Elisa are all safe.

“We have problems with the two remaining teams,” Heidi announces.. Steve is in. So is Carmen, so it’s down to the team captains. Marion’s choice of fabric was off and construction was poor. Christian was stuck in the ’80s, and his outfit certainly wasn’t a good fit for the everyday woman. Nonetheless, he is in.

Next week: Designers ripping stuff up. Including each other.

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