Ow. Ow/Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow.Years ago the Tribune did a story about Brazilian waxes, and we had trouble trying to come up with a photo to illustrate the story: Aesthetician brandishing a popsicle stick in a menacing manner?My ideal would have been a local, still-photo version of this video, which chronicles the whole wax-on, wax-off experience — the anticipation, the dread, the countdown, the rrrrip — to bouncy music, no less! (And check out the name of the song, fans of the wry twist.) But the prospect of explaining this concept to a salon aesthetician, and then to each client/potential subject, was a little too daunting. We didn’t have the time — or, probably, the persuasive skills — to pull it off (sound effect: rim shot).My favorite moment: When the woman translating for her friend asks if it’s going to hurt and the technician says, “Yeah, it’ll probably hurt like hell” and the woman turns to her friend and says, “It’s completely painless.”The video is, technically, safe for work — no nudity, no cursing. However, if someone curious walks by, you’ll have to explain that you’re watching women get waxed. And that might be something a little tough to handle on a Monday.

Early fall means new TV shows, the release of the "important" movies of the year … and new fragrances that hope to make it into everyone’s holiday wish list. I’ll examine a few new ones in the next two weeks. The first four — and the skinny on how to win free bottles! — are after the jump FOR THE URBANITES: Even the containers for the two latest Discover Collection fragrances from Banana Republic are cool: sleek stained-pine boxes. Inside, women’s Malachite ($28-$62) has a soft, floral soapy smell in the bottle, but the peony scent blossoms warmer upon contact with skin. Men’s Cordovan ($45-$58) starts off piney but transforms to a more basic wood-based scent with hints of pepper, if you get veeerrry close. (And isn’t the point of fragrance to attract?) FOR THE GLAMOUR GIRL: Sonia Rykiel, who was voted one of the world’s 10 most elegant women, believes women should adapt their own taste, not follow trends — revolutionary words from a fashion designer. The new eau de parfum Belle en Rykiel ($50-$85) follows suit, setting itself apart from a world of whisper-weight scents with its sophisticated warmth of frankincense, amber, even mahogany and vanilla. It’s available at Nordstrom in Chandler and Scottsdale.FOR THE SWEETHEART: I am, traditionally, skeptical of the "celebrity scent": Selecting a fragrance because it’s endorsed by your idol — Cher or Michael Jordan, Hilary Duff or Donald Trump — is very … anti-Rykiel, shall we say. Thankfully, it’s easy to like Shania Starlight ($18-$42), the second fragrance from country superstar Shania Twain, on its own merits. A juicy mandarin edge is the early highlight, but the scent evolves into light floral notes of jasmine and freesia. It’s available at value-priced department stores like J.C. Penney and Sears, and drugstores and mass merchandisers like Wal-Mart.Want to win any of these fragrances? The manufacturers were kind enough to hand over some free bottles to give away to readers. To enter, click on this link to shoot me an e-mail message that includes your name and mailing address. For the subject line, fill in the name of the scent you’d like to win: CORDOVAN (sorry, I like the Malachite so much I’m keeping it for myself); BELLE or SHANIA. I’ll draw winners for each fragrance from the entries received by Friday, Oct. 5. Good luck!

Divaz Boutique
Tempe Marketplace, 2000 E. Rio Salado Parkway, Tempe
Hours: 10 a.m. to 9 p.m. Monday through Saturday, noon to 6 p.m. Sunday.
Information: (480) 966-7467
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More than a month before the show debuts (Nov. 14 on Bravo), "Project Runway" has announced the competitors for Season 4. The full info is here.Just perusing the bios, a lot of them seem to have done time at the Parsons School of Design, which happens to host the series (and used to employ fashion majordomo Tim Gunn).After the jump: a few of the contestants I hate on principle, and my thoughts on the others. CARMEN: She published a book called "T-Shirt Makeovers," which means she’s part of — or partly responsible for — that whole "destroy your tee" crowd a la Ed Hardy (a label I hate the same way I despised Von Dutch).CHRIS: Rip Taylor called, and he wants his clothes back. Anyone who wears a leopard-print shirt and an acid green tie is automatically out in my book. Wear either one of them individually and you’re still out. Added points off: His bio says his clothing incorporates "humor and an unpredictable use of materials."CHRISTIAN: One should never confuse an interesting haircut with being interesting yourself. He did work for Vivienne Westwood and Alexander McQueen, though …ELISA: From her biography … "She built the foundation of her work around ‘The Hunger World,’ a pseudo-fictitious world of marionettes brought to life and mythos through writing, drawing, painting, performance, installation, and fashion." MARIONETTES! JACK: More of his bio is about his life as a swimmer and a model than as a designer. But if you designed for Slates, I guess that’s understandable.JILLIAN: She seems good on paper, and yet unremarkable.KIT: Most of her shows seem to have been in the art/fashion category.KEVIN: Would you guess his jeans were on the cover of Victoria’s Secret? I’m betting he’s the brash one, since he’s an Italian from New York.MARION: Of course he likes Viktor & Rolf and Hussein Chalayan (think: Bjork). What he doesn’t like: sunlight.RAMI: Seems to have done well in the Hollywood gown department, but can he branch out? RICKY: A lot of dance and lingerie experience, so he’s good with the delicates. What about suits? Also: Get rid of that stupid hat.SIMONE: I love a woman who works a red lip.STEVEN: He seems kind of obsessed with fabric. He "explored fabric" in grade school and was "captivated" by it on vacation in Europe. Maybe he needs to be checked for a tactile disorder.SWEET P: Clubwear, retro, Bebe, sleepwear. Calling your line Sweet P is one thing; calling yourself that is another, sad, one.VICTORYA: Look, she has "victor" already in her name! A sign?

A lot of times, if you search for dress pumps at a more value-priced department store like Kohl’s or JC Penney, you end up with very matronly-looking shoes that look orthopedic and scream: "I give up!"So it’s kind of nice, really to see these square-toe leather pumps from Worthington — they’ve got a 3-inch heel, which might be on the high side, but that heel is also stacked, for more secure footing. The little riding-bit detail is probably deliberately Gucci-esque, but it looks way better in brown, here, than in black. And they’re on sale for less than $40.So they’re a little on the classic side — no crystal heels, no toe cleavage — but I still think they’re pretty damn cute for work. Agree or disagree? Leave your comments below. One of the posters will win a free .3-ounce bottle of Jo Malone’s new Blue Agava & Cacao cologne. I’ll pick a winner from the entries online by Tuesday, Oct. 2.

It’s a long way from the Caribbean to the California Market Center, but apparently we don’t need to know how 13 girls made it there. We get a lot of interviewing: Lisa pulls out the "I’ve seen every kind of hurt" again — I’m sorry; you’ve reached your limit for the season! — while Janet and Heather say their main priority is learning about fashion. Not winning. In Janet’s case, that might be good; she’s kinda stumpy.Victoria has a seriously wonky eye. Like, when she interviews, she looks crazy-cross-eyed. Which is almost enough to distract from the giant obnoxious limousine sitting outside. Almost. Except this one is emblazoned with decals proclaiming its environmental friendliness: "Green is the new black!" First the preaching about unconventional beauty, now greenhouse gases. Is this going to be a season cycle composed entirely of Very Special Episodes?Sadly, MILA will never know.The Smugmobile makes its way to the gigantic house, complete with environmentally unfriendly swimming pool and hot tub. Inside, an illuminated runway and projection screen that broadcasts video of them walking on the illuminated runway. There are also the requisite photos of Tyra everywhere.Despite the suggestion there will be skinny-dipping, nobody takes the plunge naked. Lisa even loses her balance and slips into the swimming pool … fully clothed. Meanwhile, Uncomfortable Heather is sitting inside alone, writing things in a notebook. Or coloring. Either way, her lack of totally omigod skills discomfit the other girls.The next morning, Jay Manuel tells the girls their first photo shoot will "create awareness" about the "horrible impacts of smoking." It really WILL be a Very Special Cycle of "America’s Next Top Model"! I am looking forward to future photoshoots about waterboarding, Alaskan drilling and reducing one’s carbon footprint.Jay is nattering on about how "controversial" it is to take a stand against smoking. Yes, imagine how enraged people will be to find out! It’s almost as controversial as being in favor of happiness, families and puppies.Also, while Jay is talking, talking, TALKING, we see scenes of Uncomfortable Heather muttering to herself. I wonder if she’s saying "shut up shut up shut UP!" under her breath like I am.For the photo shoot, the girls are photographed once, smoking glamorously, and in a mirror reflection embodying the ramifications of smoking: lung cancer, hair loss from chemotherapy (which makes Mila laugh, laugh!), tracheotomy, aging, stillborn children, gingivitis, collapsed lung. Janet is a burn victim, apparently from all those women who fall asleep smoking their cigarettes and light their beds on fire? I expect an equal-time photo shoot about the dangers of scented candles, too. (Click on each girl’s thumbnail to be taken to a new window of the whole picture, larger.)

While sitting in their makeup chairs, Bianca and Lisa begin an increasingly-ghetto series of call-and-response bitchery. Lisa: "Watch out for her, she’s a diva." Bianca: "I’m gonna throw a cell phone." Lisa: "Watch out where you throw it." Bianca: "I’m gone throw it at your ass." Lisa: "It’ll come back at yo’ forehead." It continues after the photo shoot, reaching levels of "Ain’t nobody claim you a winner, honey." Bianca pulls the "America’s Next Top Model will not be a stripper." Lisa goes ape on her, dropping F-bombs left and right.Yaley the Horse says the yelling gives her a headache. For his part, Jay Manuel shows up after the whole shouting match is over — afraid of getting your makeup smeared? — and tells them to pull themselves together. Indeed, it’s the shortest-lived feud ever, because they’re fake-apologizing to each other in the hot tub. Bianca says she doesn’t mean it — surprise! — but she doesn’t want it to come up at panel.Meanwhile, Uncomfortable Heather is being a loner. "She lacks social skills,"Chantal says, and Mila, trying to figure out this thing you call Asperger’s syndrome, asks Heather, "Do you see the world differently than me?""Yes," Heather replies. "This condition makes me hallucinate that I’m trapped in a house with 12 reality show contestants." OK, no she doesn’t, but you can tell she’s thinking about it. But at least Mila’s not talking smack about her, like … everyone else in the house. Someone says, "It’s like she’s on a three-second delay." I decide I like Ambreal a little bit less because she’s hanging with Bianca, who’s out-and-out laughing about Heather’s kind of spacey behavior. Hey, you know what? Nobody’s gathering on patios to mock your lousy-ass $25 two-tone weave — OK, so Tyra and the Jays did it, last week when they were deciding who to pick, but at least you didn’t have to hear it.Discuss among yourselves: What on earth could Jaslene have been nominated for at the Teen Choice Awards?There’s a style challenge. It involves finding basic items at Old Navy — jeans, T-shirts — which is, let’s face it, shooting fish in a barrel. At the store they are tempted by the overaccessorizing ways of Benny Ninja, who has layered an entire Old Navy store onto his wee posing-instructor frame. Do you remember him from his "crazy maze of lasers" episode? Sadly, there is no crazy maze of lasers at Old Navy. Not even a crazy maze of blazers.Back at the house, Kimberly joins the bitch bandwagon. "People like that, they cling," she says of Heather and why she won’t be nice to her. Don’t they make some sort of dryer sheet for that? Yeah, and then people like that are grateful, and friendly, and nice. (And kicking your ass in the competition.) Up next: A Very Special Episode on mean girls.Unfortunately, Heather catches on that the other girls are talking smack about her — I mean, come on, she’s got Asperger’s, she’s not deaf and blind. Which means she gets the first televised phone call home of the cycle. "I don’t feel like I can trust (the girls)," she tells her mom, which means: Heather is a hell of a lot smarter than the other girls give her credit for.At panel, Tyra is working some bangs that threaten to tangle in her long false eyelashes. Meanwhile, J. Alexander is working a tight afro.Panel nuggets of wisdom: Chantal has to watch her "bedroom eyes." They love how Ambreal "looks a mess." There’s a sauciness about Lisa that Twiggy likes. I like how Twiggy says "sauciness." It makes me think she’s going to hit on Lisa, actually. Then they compare her to a model she looks nothing like, the blue-eyed, milky-skinned Shalom Harlow, pictured left.I forget who gets the first "the camera loves you." (God, Twiggy, keep it in your pants!) Bianca needs to learn how not to "hoochify herself." Someone else knows how to "look damaged and destroyed," but Mila looks like she just "farted and lifted up her seat."Saleisha is the winner of the Old Navy challenge and wins, conveniently, a $1,000 shopping spree at Old Navy. At $14.50 a T-shirt, she’s set for life. Plus she’ll be in an ad. Notice how they put that in AFTER the shopping spree.It’s time for Tyra to get on the no-smoking soapbox. It was a "very controversial" photo shoot — yeah, yeah. And she declares this a no-smoking cycle: It will be banned as of tomorrow. No consequences are discussed.And, like Dawn French and Jennifer Saunders emphasized in their video, only 12 girls will be in the running TOWARDS becoming "America’s Next Top Model."Heather gets called first. Now, I know she has Asperger’s and therefore can be given a bit of a slide on interpersonal interaction, but her photos this week were pretty sad. She’s got a profile shot where she’s pretty much hiding behind a beaded curtain, and she’s posed horribly in the second. Any other girl would have been yelled at for not making fierce eye contact, or connecting, or knowing where the camera was, blah blah blah, but the judges love her. She can do no wrong. She could totally pull off the fart and still Tyra would say, "I love! her! look!" Is this affirmative action for models? The final two: Ebony and Mila. Ebony is already crying, while Mila looks vacant and vaguely expectant, like a puppy who’s expecting to get a treat. Both girls are told that "Pretty doesn’t make a model." At this point I’m not even giving Ebony "pretty," as there is snot running out of her nose. Nonetheless, she will continue on in hopes of becoming … you know.Meanwhile, Tyra is doing her damndest to make Mila cry somehow. "It’s not easy being the first one called," she fake-sympathizes. Mila does not fall victim, and somehow manages to escape before Tyra begins pinching her or jamming her stiletto into Mila’s foot in an effort to get a tear.Next week: Bianca moves on to Saleisha. Maybe makeovers can include a new attitude to replace that stank one she’s working now. Because that just irks me.

To tide me over until … well, 7 p.m. tonight, I guess, here’s a YouTube video someone was kind enough to post: It’s a French & Saunders parody of "America’s Next Top Model."

I particularly like the giant legs and stressing that the girl is in the running "towardS" becoming "America’s Next Top Model."

Tea Dreams
Gilbert Town Center
1090 S. Gilbert Road, Suite 105, Gilbert
Hours: 10 a.m. to 6 p.m. Monday through Saturday.
Information: (480) 497-6633 or www.shopteadreams.com

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If it’s sweet enough to eat, it’s sweet enough to use on your body … right? Check out a few products that fit the bill after the jump.Crimson Clove Shampoo ($15.95) sounds like it’s made for redheads, but it works on all types and colors of hair. Albuquerque-based Tijeras Organic Alchemy, which created the line, claims hair responds to the shampoo "like wildflowers to a soft spring rain." I don’t know if I’d go that far, but it does leave hair incredibly soft and silky after rinsing — so much so that the companion conditioner seems almost unnecessary. It’s sold at Granolas, 5055 W. Ray Road, Chandler, and Nature’s Finest Natural Foods, 16838 E. Parkview Ave., Fountain Hills.Certified-organic line Collective Wellbeing uses a different aromatic spice for its cleanser for combination/oily skin: Cinnamon/Clay Cleansing Clay ($13) absorbs oil, exfoliates and works as an astringent without overdrying skin. Plus it’s free of sulfates and synthetic colors. Find it at Whole Foods and Wild Oats stores.Did you know September is National Honey Month? (Neither did I, until today, when I got a press release about a guy who stacked 2,500 honey bear bottles into one giant bear. Click here to see the photo.) To celebrate, I’m breaking out the Thyme Honey Mask ($35) by Korres Natural Products, which uses Greek thyme honey to revitalize normal to dry skin. The barrier helps skin retain its hydration, and spirulina and quince extracts are added to help with a brighter complexion. Find it at Sephora stores in Chandler and Scottsdale.

Target says its latest GO International designer, Alice Temperley, "brings a British mod flare (cq)," but I’m not feeling it. Especially the way they’re presented here: These are the girls who came back from a summer in Europe full of pretention, deliberately pronouncing things the way they do "on the continent" and claiming they were doing so unconsciously. They would read you poetry and act as if they were the first people on Earth to really get it, you know? "I’m really into Yeats right now. Have you heard of him?" (I’m pretty sure the beret doesn’t help.)Out of the 20 presented looks, there was only one that I didn’t actively dislike. It’s after the jump.The potentially offending elements are there, but restrained. The wide-leg crepe pants ($39.99) are pretty awesome and I don’t even mind the cropped military jacket (also $39.99).That beret has got to go, though. Think how much cuter that would look with a sleek high ponytail.