The judges discuss what we’ve thought all season: Melrose is kind of robotically good; Eugena is "meh" at best; CariDee is kind of spastic; Amanda is awkward. Such an exciting top four, no?No. It’s top THREE, as Amanda is sent packing one short week after her twin sister. At first I was kind of sad, but as they showed her portfolio online, I realized that except for this week her pictures really weren’t all that stellar.The girls get flamenco lessons this week and, as their challenge, are photographed while dancing with partners. Between the lessons and the photo session, they get a quick lunch session with J. Alexander, who shares no real informative tips that make it to air, instead relying on keep-my-employer-happy tidbits like "you are so lucky to be here!" I just watched my first episode of "Pants Off Dance Off" on the Fuze network, and I can’t help but think how much more entertaining this whole flamenco thing would have been had they been forced to disrobe as well. Instead, there’s just a lot of awkward clapping and stomping. I shudder to think what the end result would be if I were forced to be photographed while dancing in public, so I’m cutting them a lot of slack.I suspect the *real* reason this flamenco idea came to fruition is because they had footage of Tyra in her youth at a Victoria’s Secret show in which she was to perform flamenco-style. We have to watch lots of it, and I think the point was less "look how good of a dancer I was" or even, as she professes, "look how I was able to improvise and look fierce," but rather, "Damn, I was skinny back then!" since there’s a lot of stuff showing her from the side, at her thinnest. It makes the cut back to the modern Tyra seem sort of harsh, especially because she’s wearing enough makeup to outfit a float full of Mardi Gras drag queens.But I digress: Eugena wins and picks Amanda as her friend to share in the spoils. CariDee interviews how she would have picked Amanda, too, "since she hasn’t won anything yet," but you can tell she’s bitter Eugena didn’t pick her. The prize is some Custo Barcelona clothing — which would have been more exciting about SIX YEARS AGO, when it was actually popular and edgy. (I myself own a Custo shirt from that long ago … which I inherited from my ex-boyfriend, who keeps up on trends and high-end designers more than I do and deemed it out of style in about 2002.)Melrose, meanwhile, spazzes about her loss, chastising herself for not doing better. "I’m not mad at the other girls … I’m mad at myself!" she says mid-sob, sounding like Joan Crawford: "I’m not mad at you, Tina, I’m mad at the dirt!" Then because she’s Melrose, she takes it even nauseatingly further: "Dancing is my soul, my passion!" Which is interesting, because she’s never mentioned it before.Tyra shows up to direct the girls at their photo shoot, which has them floating in water, in pairs: CariDee and Amanda, and Eugena and Melrose. Apparently part of the continental charm of Barcelona is that they don’t have heated swimming pools, because the girls spend most of their time shivering and, in CariDee’s case, convulsing from pre-hypothermia. Interesting that the woman also in the pool with them seems to do well — but then again, she’s noticeably larger than our stick-figure models, so she’s got a bit more insulation to keep her warm. Eugena can’t float to save her life and takes lousy photos. CariDee has to be pulled from the pool with 50 frames to go still because she’s in such bad shape — not good for a girl from Fargo, N.D. Melrose is … well, robotically good, and Amanda is gawky.Tyra’s photo that leads into the judging ceremony has her posing … in a bathtub. You know that H20 was at least brought up to room temperature for her royal Tyness.The girls are judged on their flamenco dancing, which of course Tyra can do much better, which she demonstrates with J. Alexander. She unfortunately loses her shoe in the process but soldiers on, dammit, being all fierce while she’s diddle-diddle-dumpling-ing around. (That editing is kind to her, since after she stops, she walks around all knock-kneed because she’s squeezed into a sausage skirt.)Melrose is called first and then, in a move bound to spark discussion on the message board at Television Without Pity, Eugena gets the next picture, because she’s "pushing forward." What this means: "We need a non-white girl in our top 3," because all we heard about from the judges this weekend is how she’s too reserved, doesn’t take direction, doesn’t participate 100 percent, and is backsliding into the lousy photos she started out with during the beginning of the competition.So it’s down to attention-craving CariDee (J. Alexander says it’s "CariDee, look at me!") and an awkward Amanda. What, you’re going to knock a girl out for getting hypothermia? Of course Amanda is going home. The sad part: This is the first week she had a great "face" in her picture.Next week: The finale! Maybe Jodi Sweetin will show up after all. …

Posted in: ANTM |

You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.