As the season wraps up, there are a few "America’s Next Top Model" tiresome cliches seasonal chestnuts that have yet to occur. Luckily, this episode takes a few off our plate: the "Nigel is guest photographer!" shoot; the girl who cheats on her boyfriend; the go-sees where someone doesn’t make it back in time; the "tell the panel who has the most and least potential" backstabbing session.This is, however, the first episode I can recall where a contestant suggests that a judge has pulled a stick out of his posterior … to his face. Oh, CariDee, such unchecked cheek will be the end of you — just not this week, because our twins are finally separated, and in a classic case of "ANTM" logic, it’s the one who can’t model who stays, and the one who takes effortless good photos who goes. Bye, MICHELLE.The girls decide to call up one of the male models from last week’s shoot — no, not Nacho — and invite him and his friends out to eat. "What happens in Spain, stays in Spain!" Amanda suggests, but I think she’s also the one who says, "We can play games!" in a tone of voice that implies she’s thinking of hauling out the Candyland or Chutes and Ladders.CariDee, however, goes straight to spin the bottle and ends up making out with one of the guys on the patio. She interviews: "It’s all about being in Spain and having amazing experiences." If by "amazing experiences" you mean "booty calls," because the next shot is her ushering him out the door, whispering, "Go! Go! Bye." while wearing her bra and, somehow, her top is now just sort of wrapped around her midriff.The next morning it’s time for Tyra’s Inspirational Talk, in which she describes the "harsh realities" of the industry. If you’re a lousy singer or actor, you can get a coach (but as we learned last week, don’t make it Tasha Smith), but if you’re a model, people will just book you on your look and that’s it.She asks the girls which criticism came off the harshest, and except for Melrose — who I think is pretty justified being traumatized by hearing she "photographs old" early on — most of the girls just sort of hem and haw and how someone said they sucked at one point or another.Tyra’s point is that she’s coaching them so they can be stronger contenders, but coaching is hard. "If I have to say things that make you hate me … so be it. I’m gonna sacrifice myself for you." Oh, Mama Tyra, harshing on others for their own benefit. I think I’ll try that line the next time I criticize someone and see how that works.Then it’s time for go-sees! The girls scamper around Barcelona — Eugena and CariDee together because they’re afraid of getting lost, Amanda and Michelle because they’re inseparable twins, and Melrose all by herself because nobody likes her and, really, it’s the smart move anyway.It takes the twins an hour to find even one of the 10 designers because they’re having street-sign issues and, it is suggested, are directionally challenged even in their lifetime hometown of Anaheim. This is perhaps part of why neither makes it back by 6 p.m. and are eliminated from the challenge. "I just don’t want Melrose to win," Eugena snits. Well, too bad, because win Melrose does. She may photograph old, but that girl WORKS. Her prize is to pick a friend — CariDee — and have a gourmet meal cooked at home. (Eugena, meanwhile, complains about the fishy smell in the house and says "I’m glad I’m not eating any of that gourmet meal." Apparently she’s getting by just fine on her non-gourmet sour grapes.)The theme of this week’s shoot — as leaked in last week’s Cover Girl of the Week announcement — is that the girls are matadors. They have horrific amounts of makeup applied — seriously, I think it was applied with a trowel and, in Michelle’s case, I think there were paisley appliques glued to her face that looked kind of painful to remove at home.Nigel is, of course, the photographer, and while they’re watching the bull charge around, CariDee gestures toward the stick Nigel has in his hands and says, "Did you remove that from your @$$ after last panel?" (since he had been so harsh to her). The girls all give a "whoa!" and it takes a while for CariDee to realize this was not a good idea. Right around the time that Jay Manuel shows up to lecture them about professionalism, in fact, and how mouthing off to a photographer — AND JUDGE — is not smart.However, the whole time he’s talking, I am distracted by his big pointy nipples poking through what appears to be a sweatshirt. Seriously, how big do those have to be to poke through heavy cotton? He must have those Madonna cone-bra things on under there. (He’s got about as much makeup on as the girls, too.)Eugena goes first and does very well — trying all sorts of dramatic stances. Nigel thinks Melrose is too robotic about her modeling, giving poses but not feeling the scenario. Amanda tries so hard she can’t do anything right, and Michelle is effortless but only marginally better. And then it’s time for CariDee — she apologizes and Nigel accepts, but you can tell she’s all stressed out about the situation and she is really too Maxim-magaziney, all overwrought and hiney-heavy.At panel, for once, I’m not horrified by Tyra’s outfit. Twiggy’s wearing a sparkly Biba-style headwrap that makes her look pale and ashy.The girls are forced to say who they think has the most potential and the least potential. Melrose, Eugena and CariDee all pick themselves as "most," but the dumb twins still haven’t figured out the correct answer to that part is ALWAYS "me." As for the least, it’s two Amandas, one Eugena, one CariDee, and Michelle manages to vote for herself somehow, because she doesn’t understand why she’s doing so well when other people want it more and her ambition pales by comparison.Eugena proves she’s no idiot by talking about how the competition is "a journey" — judges eat that kind of stuff up! In fact, Tyra quotes Eugena later in the episode. (Can Jade quotes be far behind?)CariDee reapologizes — to the whole panel, but she has it written on a wrinkled sheet of spiral-bound notebook paper and reads it, rather than actually speaks it with any sort of emotion. She is taken to all sorts of task by the judges, rightfully so, for being so stupid and mouthy.When it’s time for pictures, Amanda and CariDee are wrecks — CD is all twitchy, nervous energy, to the point where she looks like a sketchy drug addict. Amanda just looks … tightly wound. Eugena gets called first, then Melrose, and then … CariDee? Wha? Right about now, I’m beginning to think she needs to go, actually — she’s imploding, her professional decorum is nil, and her photos aren’t turning out that well lately. You know how there are those people who say, "This is me! This is who I am! I’m real!" What that usually translates to is, "I am real … -ly annoying." Learn some freaking manners, woman. They have ‘em even in North Dakota. But enough about her. It’s down to the twins! Which do you keep, the one who’s taking good pictures but doesn’t know if this is her life’s dream, or the one who’s not modeling as well but has the drive? Ah, I already told you. Tyra tells Amanda that being passionate is more important than taking beautiful pictures in modeling. Apparently the day before Thanksgiving is also Opposite Day.Next week — another giveaway in the Cover Girl of the Week promo! — the girls apparently float in water in a highly lit session. CariDee looks blank and dead-ish in the footage they showed. Could it be her last week, or will Amanda crumble without her wonder twin power?

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