The judges discuss what we’ve thought all season: Melrose is kind of robotically good; Eugena is "meh" at best; CariDee is kind of spastic; Amanda is awkward. Such an exciting top four, no?No. It’s top THREE, as Amanda is sent packing one short week after her twin sister. At first I was kind of sad, but as they showed her portfolio online, I realized that except for this week her pictures really weren’t all that stellar.The girls get flamenco lessons this week and, as their challenge, are photographed while dancing with partners. Between the lessons and the photo session, they get a quick lunch session with J. Alexander, who shares no real informative tips that make it to air, instead relying on keep-my-employer-happy tidbits like "you are so lucky to be here!" I just watched my first episode of "Pants Off Dance Off" on the Fuze network, and I can’t help but think how much more entertaining this whole flamenco thing would have been had they been forced to disrobe as well. Instead, there’s just a lot of awkward clapping and stomping. I shudder to think what the end result would be if I were forced to be photographed while dancing in public, so I’m cutting them a lot of slack.I suspect the *real* reason this flamenco idea came to fruition is because they had footage of Tyra in her youth at a Victoria’s Secret show in which she was to perform flamenco-style. We have to watch lots of it, and I think the point was less "look how good of a dancer I was" or even, as she professes, "look how I was able to improvise and look fierce," but rather, "Damn, I was skinny back then!" since there’s a lot of stuff showing her from the side, at her thinnest. It makes the cut back to the modern Tyra seem sort of harsh, especially because she’s wearing enough makeup to outfit a float full of Mardi Gras drag queens.But I digress: Eugena wins and picks Amanda as her friend to share in the spoils. CariDee interviews how she would have picked Amanda, too, "since she hasn’t won anything yet," but you can tell she’s bitter Eugena didn’t pick her. The prize is some Custo Barcelona clothing — which would have been more exciting about SIX YEARS AGO, when it was actually popular and edgy. (I myself own a Custo shirt from that long ago … which I inherited from my ex-boyfriend, who keeps up on trends and high-end designers more than I do and deemed it out of style in about 2002.)Melrose, meanwhile, spazzes about her loss, chastising herself for not doing better. "I’m not mad at the other girls … I’m mad at myself!" she says mid-sob, sounding like Joan Crawford: "I’m not mad at you, Tina, I’m mad at the dirt!" Then because she’s Melrose, she takes it even nauseatingly further: "Dancing is my soul, my passion!" Which is interesting, because she’s never mentioned it before.Tyra shows up to direct the girls at their photo shoot, which has them floating in water, in pairs: CariDee and Amanda, and Eugena and Melrose. Apparently part of the continental charm of Barcelona is that they don’t have heated swimming pools, because the girls spend most of their time shivering and, in CariDee’s case, convulsing from pre-hypothermia. Interesting that the woman also in the pool with them seems to do well — but then again, she’s noticeably larger than our stick-figure models, so she’s got a bit more insulation to keep her warm. Eugena can’t float to save her life and takes lousy photos. CariDee has to be pulled from the pool with 50 frames to go still because she’s in such bad shape — not good for a girl from Fargo, N.D. Melrose is … well, robotically good, and Amanda is gawky.Tyra’s photo that leads into the judging ceremony has her posing … in a bathtub. You know that H20 was at least brought up to room temperature for her royal Tyness.The girls are judged on their flamenco dancing, which of course Tyra can do much better, which she demonstrates with J. Alexander. She unfortunately loses her shoe in the process but soldiers on, dammit, being all fierce while she’s diddle-diddle-dumpling-ing around. (That editing is kind to her, since after she stops, she walks around all knock-kneed because she’s squeezed into a sausage skirt.)Melrose is called first and then, in a move bound to spark discussion on the message board at Television Without Pity, Eugena gets the next picture, because she’s "pushing forward." What this means: "We need a non-white girl in our top 3," because all we heard about from the judges this weekend is how she’s too reserved, doesn’t take direction, doesn’t participate 100 percent, and is backsliding into the lousy photos she started out with during the beginning of the competition.So it’s down to attention-craving CariDee (J. Alexander says it’s "CariDee, look at me!") and an awkward Amanda. What, you’re going to knock a girl out for getting hypothermia? Of course Amanda is going home. The sad part: This is the first week she had a great "face" in her picture.Next week: The finale! Maybe Jodi Sweetin will show up after all. …

Sometimes cleansers do more than just remove dirt: They help support your favorite causes and can even protect against sun damage. A few new ones on the market …An easy way to ensure you

We usually think of amber as jewelry or a color, but it’s also a scent — one that’s increasingly popular in fragrances.

Amber resins have been used for centuries in India, whether burned in temples as incense or applied to the temples as stress-relief aromatherapy. When mixed with oil (and usually blended with other essential oils) the result is almost always described as "sensuous," which is no doubt why it’s becoming a scent staple, especially for women’s fragrances.

"It is not a surprise that women rediscover amber," says Benedicte Bron, director of fragrance innovation for Bath & Body Works, which just released a Signature Collection Sensual Amber line ranging from perfume to body lotion. "It is a warm, sensual note that is rich, smooth, elegant and beautiful. It is exotic, mysterious and sensual in a stylish way."

But amber’s not relegated only to the distaff: It also pokes its way out of men’s scents sold everywhere from department stores to druggists.

Some of the best fragrances that incorporate a strong amber accord:Stella McCartney’s new fragrance line indulges anyone who ever wanted to play perfumer: The all-organic, animal-testing-free active components of the Stella in Two can be purchased together or separately. The eau de toilette spray ($38-$69) combines peony and pepper with patchouli and amber to make a scent all its own, but those who’d like to ramp up the sexy factor can add the Amber Perfume Solid ($42), a balm that plays heavily on the warm side with extra amber, patchouli and cedar. All the products are sold at Sephora (which now includes free gift packaging).

The amber/peony interplay also shows up in Bond No. 9’s newest fragrance, West Side (inspired by the musical half of Manhattan, which has been home to everything from Carnegie Hall to Tin Pan Alley and Studio 54). The sweet/sharp paradigm is definitely present, but thanks to the amber and musk in its middle and end notes, the scent stays away from anything too overtly floral. The "superstar" 3.4-ounce eau de parfum bottle pictured is $185, but a 2-ounce spray in basic flacon is $115 at Saks Fifth Avenue, the line’s exclusive retailer in the Valley.

Amber is one of designer Miuccia Prada’s favorite scents; the variety included in the new Prada fragrance for men blends vanilla and tonka beans, labdanum oil and patchouli leaves. But although it’s definitely an amber fragrance, amber’s not the only component

Temperatures may have dropped to the range where you want to spend as much time outside as possible, but the air is getting drier, too. These moisturizers can help keep skin looking fresh, not flaky.Maybe you should learn a little French before bedtime: Le Couvent des Minimes has designed a Night Body Creme ($28) rich in sweet almond oil and shea butter for hydration and conditioning, plus the calming aromatherapeutic benefits of lavender essential oil. It

Not every fragrance is a new celebrity-inspired model. Some have been around for decades, and others are new offerings from old names.If a fragrance has been around for 75 years, I think it’s safe to call it a classic: Chanel No. 5, Shalimar — and Tabu? Yep — the scent celebrates its diamond anniversary this year, with a 1.75-ounce eau de parfum in a keepsake box. And the price has remained pretty consistent: The kit is $19.99 at drugstores, while back in the 1950s when this ad first appeared, cologne was $2.25 to $20 and perfume was $2.75 to $32.50.

My favorite cologne ever — probably because it was discontinued before

I could get a second bottle — was Unleaded by Donna Karan. Artistic bottle and a unique metropolitan twist to the scent, like all Donna Karan fragrances. Women are in luck with the launch of Donna Karan Gold, a warm scent constructed around Casablanca lilies and amber that comes with a neat hammered-metal sleeve around the bottle. The line of eau de toilette, eau de parfum and full perfume is $45 to $285 at department stores.

Maybe it’s a midlife crisis? Men’s fragrance Aramis turns 40 last year — it was the first men’s fragrance sold in department stores! — and now the packaging got a little refreshing: The limited-edition, giant-size (8.7 ounces!) Aramis Crested Bottle is $70 at fragrance counters.

The holidays are coming up, and I’m feeling generous, so it’s time for a reader giveaway!

Both items have been featured in recent Great Stuff columns, and I’ve got free full-size products to give to one blog reader.The Sugar Blossom eau de parfum spray by Fresh retails for $55 and the Ice Shield facial cleanser by Freeze 24-7, which adds SPF 15 to your face as you wash, sells for $48.

How to enter? Ship me your name and mailing address by clicking on this link and sending me an e-mail message with the subject line GREAT STUFF FREE STUFF. Deadline is Friday, Dec. 8. I’ll ship the products out to the winner, who’ll receive them in plenty of time for holiday regifting. … Good luck!Updated: Congratulations to Aubree Petersen of Mesa, who was chosen as the winner.

As the season wraps up, there are a few "America’s Next Top Model" tiresome cliches seasonal chestnuts that have yet to occur. Luckily, this episode takes a few off our plate: the "Nigel is guest photographer!" shoot; the girl who cheats on her boyfriend; the go-sees where someone doesn’t make it back in time; the "tell the panel who has the most and least potential" backstabbing session.This is, however, the first episode I can recall where a contestant suggests that a judge has pulled a stick out of his posterior … to his face. Oh, CariDee, such unchecked cheek will be the end of you — just not this week, because our twins are finally separated, and in a classic case of "ANTM" logic, it’s the one who can’t model who stays, and the one who takes effortless good photos who goes. Bye, MICHELLE.The girls decide to call up one of the male models from last week’s shoot — no, not Nacho — and invite him and his friends out to eat. "What happens in Spain, stays in Spain!" Amanda suggests, but I think she’s also the one who says, "We can play games!" in a tone of voice that implies she’s thinking of hauling out the Candyland or Chutes and Ladders.CariDee, however, goes straight to spin the bottle and ends up making out with one of the guys on the patio. She interviews: "It’s all about being in Spain and having amazing experiences." If by "amazing experiences" you mean "booty calls," because the next shot is her ushering him out the door, whispering, "Go! Go! Bye." while wearing her bra and, somehow, her top is now just sort of wrapped around her midriff.The next morning it’s time for Tyra’s Inspirational Talk, in which she describes the "harsh realities" of the industry. If you’re a lousy singer or actor, you can get a coach (but as we learned last week, don’t make it Tasha Smith), but if you’re a model, people will just book you on your look and that’s it.She asks the girls which criticism came off the harshest, and except for Melrose — who I think is pretty justified being traumatized by hearing she "photographs old" early on — most of the girls just sort of hem and haw and how someone said they sucked at one point or another.Tyra’s point is that she’s coaching them so they can be stronger contenders, but coaching is hard. "If I have to say things that make you hate me … so be it. I’m gonna sacrifice myself for you." Oh, Mama Tyra, harshing on others for their own benefit. I think I’ll try that line the next time I criticize someone and see how that works.Then it’s time for go-sees! The girls scamper around Barcelona — Eugena and CariDee together because they’re afraid of getting lost, Amanda and Michelle because they’re inseparable twins, and Melrose all by herself because nobody likes her and, really, it’s the smart move anyway.It takes the twins an hour to find even one of the 10 designers because they’re having street-sign issues and, it is suggested, are directionally challenged even in their lifetime hometown of Anaheim. This is perhaps part of why neither makes it back by 6 p.m. and are eliminated from the challenge. "I just don’t want Melrose to win," Eugena snits. Well, too bad, because win Melrose does. She may photograph old, but that girl WORKS. Her prize is to pick a friend — CariDee — and have a gourmet meal cooked at home. (Eugena, meanwhile, complains about the fishy smell in the house and says "I’m glad I’m not eating any of that gourmet meal." Apparently she’s getting by just fine on her non-gourmet sour grapes.)The theme of this week’s shoot — as leaked in last week’s Cover Girl of the Week announcement — is that the girls are matadors. They have horrific amounts of makeup applied — seriously, I think it was applied with a trowel and, in Michelle’s case, I think there were paisley appliques glued to her face that looked kind of painful to remove at home.Nigel is, of course, the photographer, and while they’re watching the bull charge around, CariDee gestures toward the stick Nigel has in his hands and says, "Did you remove that from your @$$ after last panel?" (since he had been so harsh to her). The girls all give a "whoa!" and it takes a while for CariDee to realize this was not a good idea. Right around the time that Jay Manuel shows up to lecture them about professionalism, in fact, and how mouthing off to a photographer — AND JUDGE — is not smart.However, the whole time he’s talking, I am distracted by his big pointy nipples poking through what appears to be a sweatshirt. Seriously, how big do those have to be to poke through heavy cotton? He must have those Madonna cone-bra things on under there. (He’s got about as much makeup on as the girls, too.)Eugena goes first and does very well — trying all sorts of dramatic stances. Nigel thinks Melrose is too robotic about her modeling, giving poses but not feeling the scenario. Amanda tries so hard she can’t do anything right, and Michelle is effortless but only marginally better. And then it’s time for CariDee — she apologizes and Nigel accepts, but you can tell she’s all stressed out about the situation and she is really too Maxim-magaziney, all overwrought and hiney-heavy.At panel, for once, I’m not horrified by Tyra’s outfit. Twiggy’s wearing a sparkly Biba-style headwrap that makes her look pale and ashy.The girls are forced to say who they think has the most potential and the least potential. Melrose, Eugena and CariDee all pick themselves as "most," but the dumb twins still haven’t figured out the correct answer to that part is ALWAYS "me." As for the least, it’s two Amandas, one Eugena, one CariDee, and Michelle manages to vote for herself somehow, because she doesn’t understand why she’s doing so well when other people want it more and her ambition pales by comparison.Eugena proves she’s no idiot by talking about how the competition is "a journey" — judges eat that kind of stuff up! In fact, Tyra quotes Eugena later in the episode. (Can Jade quotes be far behind?)CariDee reapologizes — to the whole panel, but she has it written on a wrinkled sheet of spiral-bound notebook paper and reads it, rather than actually speaks it with any sort of emotion. She is taken to all sorts of task by the judges, rightfully so, for being so stupid and mouthy.When it’s time for pictures, Amanda and CariDee are wrecks — CD is all twitchy, nervous energy, to the point where she looks like a sketchy drug addict. Amanda just looks … tightly wound. Eugena gets called first, then Melrose, and then … CariDee? Wha? Right about now, I’m beginning to think she needs to go, actually — she’s imploding, her professional decorum is nil, and her photos aren’t turning out that well lately. You know how there are those people who say, "This is me! This is who I am! I’m real!" What that usually translates to is, "I am real … -ly annoying." Learn some freaking manners, woman. They have ‘em even in North Dakota. But enough about her. It’s down to the twins! Which do you keep, the one who’s taking good pictures but doesn’t know if this is her life’s dream, or the one who’s not modeling as well but has the drive? Ah, I already told you. Tyra tells Amanda that being passionate is more important than taking beautiful pictures in modeling. Apparently the day before Thanksgiving is also Opposite Day.Next week — another giveaway in the Cover Girl of the Week promo! — the girls apparently float in water in a highly lit session. CariDee looks blank and dead-ish in the footage they showed. Could it be her last week, or will Amanda crumble without her wonder twin power?

This week, JAEDA feels the pain of the mane in Spain and the other girls are mainly plain, but CariDee does something horribly while Eugena does something well — insane!(No, it’s not iambic pentameter like I threatened, and I’m not doing it the whole recap, either.)This week the girls get whisked off to a Los Angeles repertory school and meet Tasha Smith, who has the fakest hair ever (and yes, I’m including her friend, Tyra) and says she is an acting coach. We’re then treated to past moments of Tyra "acting," like when she pretended to faint and "scared" all the girls, or when she was swanning about in a horrible accent pretending to be a diva, and I just have to say: Tasha, I wouldn’t be including Miss Banks in your success stories.After a perfunctory warmup we get to the meat and potatoes of today’s episode, which is an "exercise" called Dump, which Tasha explains by saying, "Whatever it is you’re feeling, feel it," and "make it over-the-top." Loosely translated, a desperate attempt to wring some drama out of this pretty boring crop of girls, who tromp up on stage and sob about how much they want to win, etc.Because she’s Jaeda, of course she has to throw in how devastated she still is by her new look (read: short hair), saying that even her boyfriend is tired of hearing about (which makes him just like the TV audience) and everyone thinks "Oh, just get over it." That’s one thing she got right! But "I don’t feel sexy and I hate it!" (Wah-wah.)CariDee gets up and somehow in the heat of the moment blurts out that she has thought about killing herself before — and on the Personal Revelation Scale, that squarely trumps the heartbreak of psoriasis, but the not-so-rare factor means it still pales by comparison to Michelle’s unprompted lesbian outing. CariDee flees into the bathroom for a sob session with one of the twins, and a camera-hungry Tasha follows them in for a group hug and to reassure them: "It’s all for a purpose." No, not salacious viewer interest, at least according to Tasha: The whole point was to warm ‘em up for … a silent movie? The girls have to follow instructions that Tasha shouts out — "Eat a lemon!" "Answer the door!" "Cry!" while they’re being filmed, and while the exercise might have been tough for the first girl, I imagine that after watching five other people go through the motions, whoever was sixth probably could have stumbled through it, there being no dialogue and all. (Foreshadowing!)Well, not everyone: As Michelle puts it, "Me and prune juice don’t mix very well," and indeed, after being ordered to take a big swig, she gives a big "urp!" and the juice kind of looks like it came … out of her nose? All over her lower face, anyway. It was gross, but Tasha, being the consummate professional, says, "I don’t feel like you’re staying in character." Yes, because the star of this silent movie would love to eat lemons and prune juice like the models do! Michelle, being a math professional, interviews: "I am 135 percent sure that I’m not going to win." And there’s more footage of Tasha berating her, asking to see vomit in the cup. "Actually, I’m 200 percent sure," Michelle amends.Perhaps to reward her for today’s most scandalous secret (foreshadowing!), CariDee wins and gets to do a guest appearance on "One Tree Hill." They get back to the house and see the finished result of their movie, which is the CariDee version. At a certain point she picks up the phone and — surprise! — it’s Tyra on the other side of the line, wearing a mantilla (at this point, I am considering creating a text macro that inserts the word "foreshadowing!"), and suddenly it becomes clear why the girls have been asked to overact on such a grand scale — they have to keep up with Tyra! Eventually she says that when you’re sad, you should take a trip. Only the subtitles are in Catalan, and CariDee (in character) keeps saying, "What? WHAT?!" until Tyra swirls out from the other room, still wearing her Spanish garb, and announces that the girls are going to Spain! (DING! That’s one foreshadowing payoff.) CariDee trucks off bright and early for her "One Tree Hill" gig, where it turns out she’ll be playing … a model. On the set, there is much discussion about how natural and easy it is for her to act. (Foreshadowing!) She also kisses a boy. (Where is that damn quick key?!) We get to see the stupid cartoon plane graphic, which has little cutouts for windows and the girls’ pictures kind of bobbling around inside as it heads for Spain.They board a bus and learn they’ll be picking up some local models, which of course are of the male variety since Jaeda has discussed her boyfriend already, and we all know "Top Model" only throws around the B-word when someone’s going to be kissing a boy-but-not-your-boyfriend for an assignment! The male models are … well, let’s just say there might be an all-male version of "Spain’s Next Top Model" filming simultaneously, because these boys look sort of like the guys who answered the Barbizon ad ("Be a model … or just look like one!") in the back of a magazine. No real stunners. Not like my not-so-secret crush Ryan, whom we used for our spring fashion shoots about green clothing and suits and swimsuits. Months later the hair stylists still get giddy if they talk about running into him. … and, uh, so do I. (Call me?)They head off to dinner, where the girls learn they’ll have to memorize a monologue — in Catalan! — and interact with a male partner during a commercial shoot. There will be kissing. Jaeda begins trying to talk to her male model, who becomes quite ugly as soon as he pulls back his Fabio hair, actually, and he is seriously like, "Could you please not disturb me while I’m trying to eat?"She keeps asking and finally he says something that translates vaguely as, "You’re all about trying to kiss me, and I am … not, right now." I’m not sure if this is the sole reason for the next development, but Jaeda announces he doesn’t like black girls. We never hear him say this, however, which I suspect is inflammatory enough of a statement that the editors would have included the audio/subtitle if they had it. He is, however, still a jerk. CariDee says, "I would make out with, like, Amanda before him." Wrong twin, stupid!The girls get to their huge Spanish apartment and CariDee, as challenge winner, gets to pick which bed she wants first. Will it be the giant-sized one in the room with the giant closet, or one of the twin beds all squished together in another room? Not so dumb about room and board, the CariDee.Melrose interviews that she stayed up two extra hours practicing her dialogue. This is not the last we will hear of this.The next morning, we see the girls still rehearsing. CariDee worries that she can’t roll her tongue: "I sound like a dead car," she says. Michelle, meanwhile, worries about kissing a boy, which she hasn’t done since she was 10 behind a shed. It’s acting! Pretend it’s Sarah Paulson, or Portia de Rossi … or Eleanor Roosevelt!It turns out the script they’ve "learned" — and I use that word loosely — is for Secret (DING!) deodorant. The girls must recite unfamiliar dialogue (DING!) while acting (DING!) with the guys, and then kiss their partner convincingly. Surprisingly, the wrong twin has trouble with that last part: Amanda just kind of lolls her head over, then veers forward, lips first. The effect is kind of like watching an earth-mover push forward, jerkily and horizontal.Eugena compares kissing her partner to "like kissing my closed fist," which sounds like the desperate cry of an abused woman. However, she is glowing and flirty and totally un-Eugenaic through the rest of the commercial, improvising some words (an act she OK’d with the director beforehand).Michelle is ungainly and so focused on the cue cards she ignores the boys, but goes in for the kill when it comes to the kiss. I bet she closed her eyes and dreamed of Amelie Maurismo.Jaeda is so worked up about having to interact with her partner that she can’t recite her words, she looks tense as a board and she can’t finish a take. Jay pulls her aside and, in the caring and supporting words of a photo shoot director, says: "You don’t have to cry. We don’t have time to fix your makeup." Yes — because his own makeup took so long to put on, the makeup artists are probably way behind schedule. Jaeda soldiers through, if by "soldiers" you mean "slogs through muck, looking miserable."Melrose, predictably, does well. I hate to say it, but this girl turns it out week after week. You’ve got to at least love her work ethic.And then CariDee. I don’t know if it’s the foreign language or what, but if you thought Jaeda was bad — well, at least Jaeda thought she had a reason. CariDee can’t do anything right, from speaking to walking to remembering what to do. At one point Jay tells her that her Catalan sounds like "Swedish/Cantonese," because it sure as heck isn’t sounding anything like a Romance language. It’s like she can’t act at all (DING!). However, not surprisingly, when it comes to the kiss, CariDee is all business. (DING DING DING DING DING!) The editors may have spliced together footage from several takes, but CariDee takes to her man as hungrily as a wolf to a pile of nice juicy steaks. I suspect that if they had been standing nearby, CariDee would have worked her way through the other five male models, too, all, "Hey, it’s part of the job, right?" Time for judging! (Well, not the kind I’ve been doing all episode long — the OFFICIAL kind, you know, done in the panel room with Tyra and Twiggy and J. Alexander and Nigel and guest judge, who directed the commercial).Tyra has found a way to distract my eyes off her blurry digital forehead: She’s wearing a corset-style top that basically gives her a Sophia Loren-style spilling-over shelf of bosom. I can’t stop staring at how big her chest is, whether in amazement or disbelief — cover up, girl! — to the point where I pretty much don’t look at her head the entire episode.The good: They say Barcelona sure is agreeing with Eugena, and Melrose did well. She shares the fact she stayed up two hours studying while the other girls roll their eyes.The bad: Michelle wasn’t interacting with her fellow actors. Amanda was better at the commercial, but the kiss was totally unbelievable. (I have to say that even Michelle’s kiss looked more like a makeout session than a kiss, which makes me wonder what Spanish TV looks like, and if the En Espanol tier of Cox Cable would make a passable substitute.)The ugly: They call CariDee out for poor performance, saying she looked a little drunk, and then a few moments later Nigel is calling her behavior "unforgiveable!" in a very angry tone. Twiggy says Jaeda was right to warn the judges she did a bad job, and that she "obviously cannot act." Her explanation about her partner is greeted with a little bit of surprise, but I don’t think with the sympathy I think she expected.And then we cut to commercials — where we get to see the very Secret commercial they just filmed! Only the girls are speaking in English. You’d think they would have maybe mentioned an alternate-language take at some point. … Nah, it’s only reality TV.Once the girls leave the room, Tyra suggests that Melrose’s commercial might be the best in "Top Model" history, and it’s posited that CariDee’s might be the worst. (I have to disagree. Remember Jade’s awesome, mesmerizing, horrendous "drag queen" take of a performance for Cover Girl? "Fabulous!")Outside, the other girls stew at Melrose for her "two extra hours" comment. Eugena says she does stuff like this all the time to make herself look good and, by extension, the other girls look bad. Melrose says (a) Eugena is wrong, and (b) she doesn’t care what they think anyway.Back in the room, the safe roster goes: Melrose, Eugena, twin, twin. It’s down to CariDee and Jaeda: The girl who can’t deliver — easy mnemonic: CariDee/Can’t Deliver — and the girl "who seems to have 9 lives," with as many times as she’s been in the bottom two.Could that be a Halle Berry/"Catwoman" reference? No matter, because Jaeda’s out of luck. (Maybe it was a cat food reference, as in "you’ll be eating it for a while, while your hair grows back in and you try in vain to become a model.") She interviews that getting kicked out … makes her want to try harder in the competition. A little late there, dear.In the lead-out, we learn that viewers selected CariDee as Cover Girl of the Week. In the footage, we see scenes of her dressed up in a matador-themed shoot in the middle of a ring with a red cape, which is only fitting to fade out on some apparently inadvertent … foreshadowing!

Today my friend Julia asked which girl I thought was going home on "America’s Next Top Model" and I just kind of shrugged and said, "Eh, I don’t care." And that’s the problem with this season — or "cycle," as they insist on calling it. I’m sure part of it has to do with the writers strike — the full-time staffers who usually cobble together interesting story lines spent this cycle picketing for union health benefits (they just went to court about being replaced, and you can see their Myspace page here for more details) — and as a result, no real engaging characters have emerged from this pack of contenders.If Jaeda were the one sent home, would you really care? If it were Eugena, would you really care? If it were Michelle or Amanda, or Melrose, or CariDee, would you really care?(You don’t have to, because it was Anchal.)It wasn’t always like this, you know. By this time in past seasons, you knew whom you were rooting for — or whom you were rooting against. At least you felt an affinity or antipathy toward someone.You felt cheated when they told Toccara she got the boot because her personality was "disappearing" — wouldn’t yours if you got picked for a reality show, only to get told week after week you were too fat by the same panel who selected you? (Not the same as Anchal, who’s just kind of jiggly and … well, why did she last so long, actually?)Even if you didn’t want nutjobs Lisa or Jade to win, you were either delighted or disgusted by their weekly shenanigans and malapropisms, respectively. (Not the same as CariDee, who just laughs a lot, loudly, and would probably be the type of girl who’d take off her top for some Mardi Gras beads. Not even a real obnoxious party girl like Brittany.)Pretty as she was, know-it-all Yaya worked your last nerve, didn’t she? Near the end, you could appreciate her skills but damn, you were rooting against her, even if it meant Eva would win. (Whereas Melrose comes off as well-intentioned but lacking interpersonal skills, and she’s one of the few girls who can take a good picture week after week.)Remember when Tyra went off on Tiffany for shrugging off her ouster? Full-on Tyrade is what it was — screaming and yelling, the kind of stuff that would have made the next-day YouTube rounds. Now that Miss Banks is trying to imitate Miss Winfrey, we’re subjected to boring well-meaning sermons about how not "bringing it" to panel is a metaphor for how you live your life.Really, the only person I hate this season is Tyra. Not even Jay Manuel is being as annoying as usual (perhaps because he’s taking over hosting duties of "Canada’s Next Top Model"?So, to keep myself interested, I did this week’s recap … in haiku."Action modeling"is not an oxymoronexcept on this show."Model" Gabby Reecelooks good in beach bikini,hulking in girl clothes.Lunge for volleyball!But wait! Before you hit sandtry to look pretty.———Swishy James St. James’"Sunset Boulevard" turbandoes him no favors.Girls must click shutterand leap on NASCAR driver.(Tyra has issues.)Anchal hardly tries:"I’m not an angry person."She can’t even kick.Real NASCAR driversshould not have soap opera nameslike "Stanton Barrett."CariDee lunges,yells, but assures him they’ll have"make-up sex later."Michelle wins challenge!Then why is Melrose takingeveryone’s clothing?Prize-laden Melrose:"I feel like every girl wantsto kill me right now."(When Michelle picked "friends,"non-white girls were left standing.Bad coincidence.)———Tyra’s dumb idea:Beauty shoot in wind tunnel!Results confuse her."Sexy space sirens"?Helmets and suits make girls lookLike Daft Punk robots.(Thought to file away:Gusty winds make face skin flap.What were you thinking?)Five-minute segmentis extended promo forCover Girl TruBlend.Jaeda says she has"face of Cover Girl." In boxunder bed, maybe.CariDee eager,but disregards instructionsin chute. Jay tattles.———Gabby is guest judge.Blah blah Seventeen cover,blah blah Elite gig.Is she sea captain?Reece’s bad highlights, red skinmake it hard to tell.Why is Miss J there?Silly wig and eye-rollingTragic, not funny.Challenge at judging:Act out silly instructions,make panel happy.———"Shake flirtatiously."Eugena only shimmies.Flips hair like white girl."Swim frighteningly."Poor Michelle must lie on floorwhere high heels have tread.Amanda cannotinterpret phrase "ski sadly."And who can cast blame?"Box joyfully"? What?I will vogue like Madonna,says confused Melrose."Dance aggressively."Anchal stops, winces, panics,runs out of room fast."Hide dizzily" ispiece of cake for CariDee.Judges laugh and clap."Skip sensually."Busty Jaeda needs to wearbigger top, good bra.———"The girls who commitand the girls who don’t commit":Two categories.Eugena’s bad skinkeeps airbrushers in businessand me distracted."Big ol’ blob" Anchaltries halfheartedly and fails.Tyra sends her home.———Lesbian Michelleprobably next girl kicked outfor not "bringing it."Eugena’s dead eyes,bad attitude will keep herfrom winning grand prize.Cover Girl contractmeans "quirky" girls can’t win show.Sorry, Amanda.North Dakota girlis eager, pretty and fun.I fear she is doomed.Does this mean Jaedacould overcome short hair woesand win this cycle?Melrose herself laughed:She could be "Seventeen" starat age 23!