Uli makes clothing that women want to buy. Laura makes amazing, timeless eveningwear.Naturally, they vote JEFFREY the winner. Annoying, over-budget, raggedy-hemline "I was inspired by Japanese ghost stories and demons, and the collection evolved organically from there" Jeffrey.I’ll be inspired by Jeffrey as well for my opinion: What a bunch of $%#^.Now, I will give the man his credit. His collection began with a logical progression — the vivid red dot-print material of his first dress was followed by outfits with the same material, then the same material with a semitransparent white overlay … but that ended pretty quickly and the pieces he created weren’t that unique. Then, about halfway through his looks began to careen from space-age jackets over skinny pants (which was my favorite look) to that zipper dress. Even his models weren’t made up with a cohesive look — some had angular, heavy cuts, while others had floppy quasi updos.Anyway, let me back up. After last week’s accusations that he might not have done all the work himself, the producers disqualify a pair of shorts he doesn’t have a receipt for the work for. This is really the first time we learn of how much work the designers are allowed to farm out — beadwork, pleating, leatherwork all fall under the acceptable subcontracting category.Why does Tim Gunn always have to do the heavy lifting? He shows up — in jeans! — to say that Jeffrey is also $227.95 over budget, so he’ll have to take away something that costs that much from his collection. He decides his models won’t wear the stupid blonde wigs he had brought to make them all look the same, which he says saved him $600. (I guess that’s only $50 per wig.)Laura says she’s happy to compete fairly against him. "I want to beat him on the runway, not at the accountant’s office," she says. Is this the producers’ idea of hubris and how the gods reward it?They’re up at 4:15 a.m. to get ready for the shows. I’ve picked two pieces from each designer — one I like, the other not so much. Mouse over each photo to get my quick take, and click to have a picture of the entire outfit pop up in a new window.Jeffrey goes first — he jumps up and down like an idiot, is dressed like some "Hackers" wannabe and his music is totally overwrought. It sounds like he recorded it himself as the vanity lead singer. (I already talked about the clothing above….)Uli’s collection is awesome, and her music is perfect for the collection: Upbeat, plinky strings with a little techno beat. She’s got a few short dresses, some long Uli classic silhouettes, even that awesome bikini. The bone buckle fastener is incorporated into several looks to great effect.Laura’s collection is very classic and glamorous — she says it’s a reminder that women should take a few minutes to take care of themselves every day. It starts with a kind of unflattering camel shade in shorter lengths, but eventually the full beading effect kicks in: I wonder how heavy some of those gowns are? I admit even I grow weary of the glittering loveliness, outfit after outfit. Her music reminds me of ’40s Paris and flappers.Michael gets a rousing audience response and announces his collection is urban safari, "a woman on the hunt to find out who she is." It’s more like "a collection for Lil Kim." There are lots of cutouts and wraparounds and an unfortunate very, very bright fuchsia satin hot pant ensemble. His music sounds like hip-hop marching band.Guest judge is Fern Mallis, creator of Olympus Fashion Week.They commend Laura on the luxe look of her collection, especially since designers only had $8,000 to work with. (Still, that’s about $666 per outfit, so I’d think you could do something pretty extraordinary with it.) Her focus was extraordinary, Fern says, but Michael Kors and Nina Garcia say there was no "surprise factor." Surprise! Her clothing’s beautiful, Fern says, and women love beautiful clothing that they can wear again and again.She’s not that nice to Michael, though: She says his story was nice but "I wish I could say the collection stood up to that." He defends himself by saying he’s only 28 and still learning.Nina compliments Uli in about four sentences that, when she’s saying them, don’t sound like compliments because I keep waiting for the "BUT" that sounds like it’s about to follow: "I think your clothes are beautiful (BUT)". … "I think your clothes will sell (BUT)" …. They think there’s not a connected point of view, which I consider a specious criticism because Jeffrey’s collection peters out in that regard at about the same point Uli’s does, and although Uli’s color palette changes, her style of print remains cohesive throughout her more wildly patterned outfits, and you wouldn’t have any trouble picking them as an Uli Outfit.They say Jeffrey’s variety is "exciting," which is when I start to shift uncomfortably in my seat, realizing what this means. His non-rock-n-roll outfits, however, are unwieldy and out of place. (OUT OF PLACE! That means not connected, right?)Michael’s the first to go: He’s too young and needs to mature.They say of Laura, "Meticulous should be her middle name," but is she an innovator? Her collection is too limited. Goodbye.Jeffrey’s collection is innovative, cohesive and showed range. (To which I say: "Whaaa?")Uli gets the auf, and says to Heidi, "I never wanted to get that kiss" on the cheek, since that means she’s out of the competition. She, like the other three designers, must meet their families and loved ones in the little room behind the runway: Go into the bright light, Uli! Your mother and incredibly Germanic-looking boyfriend are waiting for you!So, Jeffrey wins. My consolation: Look how wildly popular and well-known Jay McCarroll is after his success two seasons ago. Why, he’s dragging a mannequin around Bryant Park and riding carousels with her!Well, it’s not all disapponting: Nina said that people were already trying to get in touch with Uli as soon as the show was over.So, now it’s up for debate. Agree or disagree?:(1) Michael’s final collection sank him, despite the great body of material he had accumulated through the early part of the season.(2) Laura’s narrow focus on a single archetypal style — glitzy, beaded, mature — would sell well in upper-end department stores that specialize in that clientele, but her collection wasn’t exciting enough to earn the win.(3) Uli’s collection should have won. Her dresses were better, her swimsuits were better, her range was better. As Kayne said, "Uli rocked the (dirtyword) out!"(4) A few of Jeffrey’s pieces were good — again, I loved the jacket and stovepipe pants, and although I wasn’t fond of the opening dress, a few others were OK — but I don’t see the amazing qualities to such a degree as the judges do.(5) Alison is still the cutest thing ever. Did you see her in the audience?(6) "Talkative Model" Amanda looked great on the runway. "Zaftig" Alexandra, not so much.

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