My friend and co-worker Jess was so upset that they didn’t kick a designer off the last episode of "Project Runway" — "a total cop-out," he said, "and a waste of an hour of my life" — that he vowed he wouldn’t watch tonight’s reunion special.And to him — and everyone else — I say: You didn’t miss much.In order, here’s what you did miss:1. Heidi, because she is pregnant, has what the politically incorrect male would call "big knockers." And they’re pushed up in a little black dress.2. In his segment previewing the program, Tim Gunn makes the episode sound about as thrilling as an essay assignment: "We’ll be using clips, conversations and questions from viewers."3. Bradley has a close-cropped haircut and is clean-shaven. He is still mildly insane.4. Bonnie, on her interaction with fans: "One ran up to me and said, ‘You were on "Project Runway"’! And I said, ‘Yeah!’ And she said, ‘You suck!’ and ran away! And I was like (facial expression), I was like (same facial expression), I was like (still same facial expression)!"5. Laura’s version of jeans and sneakers is riding pants and boots. No, really, she said that.6. Keith still holds a grudge about being disqualified. If he weren’t so peevish about everything else, I might believe his accusation that someone took his books for a week, then returned them in time to be there when he was kicked out. (Really, wouldn’t the producers look inside the books to see what was in them and whether it could lend him an advantage? What if they were like diaries with fake covers?)7. In his response to that, Tim calls the producers "unimpugnible." Which leads to a montage of Tim’s Big Vocabulary, in which he uses "mitigating," "faux bois," "consternation," "sturm und drang," "circuitous," "consternation" and my favorite, "caucus." My other favorite part is them showing the designers snickering like little kids when he says it — just like I did the first time.8. Laura overuses the phrase "serious ugly." Robert: "boring." Vincent: "turn me on." Bradley just made weird noises.9. In trying to criticize the other designers, Vincent says, "It takes a certain level to be at a certain level." Others laugh at him.10. Kayne talks fast. And a lot: When he pitched his pageant gown to Miss USA, the final count was Kayne 932 words, Miss USA 7.11. Robert says Malan is like "Cary Grant meets Eddie Munster." Malan’s laugh is unnerving, especially when given the never-ending montage treatment.12. Angela still holds a grudge about the mom challenge. The more I have to watch Angela’s mom, the more I lean toward Jeffrey’s side. And that’s hard to do.13. Then Angela says she thinks if she and Jeffrey had met under different circumstances, they could have been friends. Everyone laughs at her stupidity.14. Vincent pitched a profanity-laden fit after the producers washed one of his shirts. A really long one.15. Michael Knight wins the "fan favorite" award and gets $10,000. 16. Michael Kors says each week the judges don’t take into consideration the total body of work, but only focus on that particular challenge.17. Michael Kors is a liar, because if it weren’t for total body of work there’s no way they would have kept Michael Knight after that last challenge.18. Angela asks the judges if she would have been safe had she changed her story about the outfit in the dog-walking challenge. They all laugh at her stupidity. The words "hoochie" and "hooker" are used by separate people to describe said outfit.19. Talkative Model is just as big a drama queen as the designers, getting panicky and almost passing out if she’s put at risk. "You have that a lot," you hear Heidi telling her. "Why do you have that a lot?"20. A lot of people, including previous winners Jay McCarroll and Chloe Dao, think that Michael Knight will win.21. I suspect these people were interviewed before they watched that last challenge and when the producers realized they only had sound clips about Michael, Michael, Michael, they decided they had to keep him on rather than go back and reinterview.22. Yeah. "Unimpugnible." Right.

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