PROJECT RUNWAY 3.8: AU REVOIR, ANGELA
August 30th, 2006, 11:47 pm · 2 Comments · posted by Sam Mittelsteadt
It might just be recap fatigue, but it seems the more the producers of "Project Runway" try to ramp up the drama — more catfighting! two guest judges! first-class flights to unknown destinations! — the less I care.
Well, that is, until I log onto the media site and see this photo, which just cements Laura’s awesomeness in my consciousness: She’s 42, pregnant with her sixth kid, wearing four-inch heels and a dress she designed herself, and she still managed to fill two hardcase Louis Vuitton trunks and a briefcase and get to the airport in less than an hour. For this alone, she should win. (And when she does, she should give me those suitcases.)Meanwhile, deciding to call her stupid signature rosettes "fleurchons" finally catches up with Angela: The French are all "don’t try to saddle us with the blame for that crap" and on behalf of her fellow countrymen, designer Catherine Malandrino (who designs in New York but was raised in France) gets to be the one to tell Angela she’s out. Instead of "auf wiedersehen," she gets "au revoir," which should be little comfort on the 12-hour flight home alone. (I wonder if she gets to fly first-class home, or if as added punishment she has to sit in coach.)Can I just say that I really don’t like seeing any of our designers topless? I realize Kayne’s lost 110 pounds and all, but still, the sight of his man-boobies right at the top of the show really makes me wonder what other tortures the editors have in store for us this hour. I hardly hear him talking about how he misses Robert, or Jeffrey complaining about Angela for the billionth time since the season started. Dude, give it up: You know you want her. It’s just like grade school, where the one you can’t stop making fun of is the secret crush.Or not. Speaking of distractions, Heidi shows up on the runway with horrible bangs that draw my attention away from the whole "dropping two models" bit. Vincent picks first, and then here comes that damn Black Velvet Bag of Chance for the order of the other designers. Pretty much everyone sticks with their usual models — the only interesting moment is when Kayne selects "she will not shut up" Amanda over the two other models. "She may be chatty, but when she’s onstage, she sells it," he interviews (although with his drawl it sounds like "SAILS it"). Goodbye, Zaftig Model Who Got Alison Kicked Off and Pop-Eyed Model.The designers will create a look for a "hip international jetsetter," Heidi tells them. … and then leaves it up to Tim Gunn to tell them the rest back at the workroom. Kayne, revealing his idiocy, says that he thinks of Tara Reid as a jetsetter, which makes me laugh, because when I hear "Tara Reid," I think "drunk, untalented red carpet mess." (In fact, "I feel like pulling a Tara tonight" means "I’m going to make an intoxicated fool of myself" among some of my friends.)It turns out that the hip, international jetsetter is … the designers. (I wonder what "pulling an Angela" would be, because she’s certainly not what springs to mind when I think "jetsetter," either. There would be lots of squealing and rosettes.) They’ll be modeling their own clothing on the runway.Uli gets a variety of print fabrics — she calls it an "explosion" in that accent that makes her sound like Dieter from "Sprockets," or possibly Bjork. She says her outfit will look good "even if you get wasted." I’m not sure if that meant when you’re wearing it or when you’re looking at it.Kayne finds a Versace fabric — again with the label whoredom! — and decides to embellish a shirt with it. Tim Gunn looks stunned at the mere suggestion of it.Another thing I didn’t need to see tonight: Vincent in his boxers, trying to copy the pattern of his pants. Especially since the pants looked like Dockers anyway — not exactly jetsetting design. I think he just wanted to take his pants off, and sure enough, as soon as I write that down, he interviews that he’d like to work in his boxers every day. If he starts talking about how it "gets him off" and how the design term for what he’s doing is "rubbing it" (which is true), I swear I’ll stop recapping right here and now.No, we switch to Jeffrey vs. Angela. In case you didn’t read last week’s recap, Jeffrey was a jerk to Angela’s mom, who was his model. This week he still won’t stop gloating about it, and indeed is taking pleasure in needling Angela about it ("The madder she gets, the better I feel," he says right in front of her).Angela being Angela, she won’t just walk up and stab him with her scissors and say "This is for being a jerk to my mom, you bloviated, overinked idiot. Now shut up about how happy you are before I castrate you with some pinking shears and replace your testicles with my signature fleurchons." No, she has to be all weirdly passive-aggressive and settle for sentences like, "If you’re going to talk to me, look at me." Which does nothing, because it lets Jeffrey just bother her even more. Oh, Jeffrey, enjoy it while you can, because you’ve got about 40 minutes left before you lose your whipping-girl, and nobody else is going to let you turn them into your bee-yotch after this. Not even Kayne.Speaking of: During Tim Time, he tells Kayne that his shirt is "looking very Elvis to me." When Michael says he’s thinking about wearing only a T-shirt underneath his getup, Tim’s response is: "That bereaves me." And he saves the best/worst for Angela, calling her still-unassembled capris "junior" and "Holly Hobbie." And really, if you look at the modernized Holly Hobbie, she totally does look like Angela: Same silly cap, similar haircut. All she needs is a bubble skirt, green cat’s eye glasses and some fleurchons and they’d be twins.Which is apparently what Angela thinks, because her response is: "Yeah, but that’s kinda good." Oh, when will the designers learn to listen to Tim Gunn’s biting criticism and take heed accordingly? Not Angela: She persists on putting her rosettes right on each butt cheek, and I don’t know if you’ve noticed the weird thing she does to the crotches of her pants, but there’s like a weird contrast panel that says: "Look at my taint! I demand that you look at my taint!" Her cargos have that this week, too, only it’s a wrinkly starburst effect.The next morning, we see some of the designers rise and shine: Angela’s wearing this nightgown apparently cobbled together from knitted potholders or doilies. It’s scary, and I’m glad I won’t have to see it again after tonight. And then it’s off to the workroom, where while they change we see Kayne shirtless and Vincent dropping his drawers AGAIN. Does this count as cruel and unusual punishment? Also, Laura seems to be wearing the mother of all support garments, which is interesting because she’s so dang skinny. Maybe she’s just squeezed in like a sausage casing.Time for judging: There’s Nina, Michael Kors and guest judge #1 is Francisco Costa, who’s in charge of womenswear for Calvin Klein.
Vincent’s open-neck sweater really doesn’t camouflage his belly pooch, and his pants are too long. He’s wearing them with flip-flops, which I realize some people think lends a laissez-faire attitude to your outfit, but really you just look like you were too lazy to put on real shoes. Also, please don’t make me look at your nasty, probably hairy toes.Speaking of nasty, probably hairy things, Jeffrey’s rock-star outfit involves Versace sunglasses, a tight jacket with shiny purple lapels, a T-shirt studded with a skull and crossbones … and what appears to be leggings made of stretchy long-john material. There’s an incredible amount of hook-and-eye detail at the fly. Again: "Project Runway" designers, nobody wants to see your crotch. Stop trying to make us look there.
Angela’s outfit is less "jetsetter," more "tourist." She’s wearing a variation of her Jubilee Jumbles top that this time thankfully covers the midriff (although her black bra peeps out the top), and those brown linen capris, which have a double-belt thing going on and rosettes at the front pockets, too. She looks nice with blown-out hair, though. …Speaking of, I don’t think I’ve ever seen Laura without her low ponytail, and she looks cute with her hair down, too. She says her outfit is different and not classic, but it still looks pretty Laura-ish to me. The halter dress has an interesting wrap detail at the waist — the sash begins between the two pieces that make up the halter. The color’s kind of "meh," though.
Michael’s outfit is awesome — I can’t believe this didn’t win. He’s ready for some islands action with white cargo seersucker pants with tie details, and a white motorcycle jacket-style short-sleeved shirt with no visible buttons. Is it held together with Velcro? He’s got a D&G belt on.Kayne’s belt … well, you can’t tell me that came from the Macy’s Accessory Wall since it has "KAYNE" spelled out on it. Thanks to the swirly-psychedelic shiny satin panels, his shirt looks like it was designed to be worn by a "rock star" character in a low-budget TV movie, or maybe one of the actors in "A Night at the Roxbury." Which is kind of a shame, because his pants were cut very well (if a little too flared at the bottom for my liking, but still) but that shirt steals all the attention.
And Uli … I realize she loves prints — and usually she excels and combining them tastefully — but this week, what I noticed most was the fact there were a LOT of prints going on. The main bodice is a blue/green vaguely tropical scene, and you can just see the beginnings of the second tier, a psychedelic gold-and-orange combination. Then there are TWO MORE TIERS of repeating fabrics until the dress reaches the floor.Now, while Laura also designs variations on a taste level week after week, at least her outfits look different — coat with fur collar, blouse and tailored pant, halter dress, etc. But this week, Uli’s dress looks pretty interchangeable with stuff she already wears on a regular basis.The judges’ comments: Uli looks "over the top" and her outfit might work in Miami or L.A., but not many other places. Angela couldn’t have made a worse fabric choice for traveling; Michael tells her, "You’re a mess just standing still." They suggest Laura switch the knot in her wrap to the front while traveling so it doesn’t get uncomfortable jammed in her back while seated on a flight. They love Jeffrey’s outfit: Nina says it’s what’s now (I hope she’s referring to the skull, not the leggings). Vincent’s outfit gets kudos from the Calvin Klein guy, who of course likes understated things, but Nina points out that if it’s understated, the work must be impeccable, "and it doesn’t look so impeccable from here." Jeffrey can’t stand that the judges also like Michael’s look. Kayne’s outfit looks like a costume, like Elvis, and Michael Kors says, "If the paparazzi is chasing you, the only reason is because you’re going to be the big picture in ‘What Was He Thinking?’ "And then the (yawn) "bombshell": They’re not going to pick a winner/loser yet. They’re putting the designers on a plane to see how the outfit travels. They have one hour to pack and get to the airport, Heidi says, "I’ll see you when you return." I wonder if that means they don’t stay at their destination long?In a futile attempt to add suspense, the designers don’t even know where they’re going! Kayne hopes it’s Iceland or Australia. And he sits next to Tara Reid, I guess. Stupid. And at one point Jeffrey leans over to do something and I catch a flash of red what I hope aren’t thong underwear. I don’t hit "rewind" to figure it out.Hey, it’s Paris! Laura is less excited about the destination than she is that they’re traveling in first class. And here comes Tim Gunn! In a rare moment of lucidity, Jeffrey interviews that he doesn’t know what’s he’s going to do with the rest of his life if he can’t have Tim pop up every once in a while. Wouldn’t that be a great bonus? Tim shows up to give you advice on not just what to wear, but whom to date or be friends with, home decor, dinner choices … Anyway, they get to Paris and one of the guys — I’m going to think it’s Jeffrey — has to be annoying and refer to the Eiffel Tower as the "tour ee-FELL," as if their recent arrival has suddenly transformed them into Frenchmen and they’re incapable of referring to things in English any more. Here you go, Jeffrey, you tyran pompeux stupide.In the new workroom at Parsons Paris there are only six tables: Someone’s going home very soon. Tim introduces host judge Catherine Malandrino, who reminds me a bit of a dark-haired, Gallic Polly Walker. The designers walk again and Catherine adds her scores to the judges’ tally. …Jeffrey (shudder) wins. Michael’s a close second. Laura, Uli and Vincent are safe.Kayne: "You look ridiculous. You look like a fake pop star." Angela: "You look like you’re just coming from another world. You are not a jetsetter." As soon as she hears that, Angela grimaces in that "I’m gone" way. And sure enough, she is. Nobody even hugs her goodbye except for Tim. That’s kind of sad, as she schleps out to the car alone, with only her fleurchons to keep her company.This was a two-fer as far as Jeffrey’s concerned: He wins, and he’s "ecstatic" Angela’s gone. He says she was less of a designer than an artsy-craftsy macaroni gluer. I can’t wait until this man implodes under the crushing weight of his own ego.(As an aside, check out Tim Gunn’s podcast each week on iTunes. He discusses that episode’s events, talks about things that might not have made it onto the air [like the fact Angela got to stay overnight in Paris, and didn't have to hop right back on the plane to go home] and shares his opinion about who should have won — which often differs from the judges’. The podcasts make a lovely companion for the Thursday morning drive to work. It’s like you’ve got Tim Gunn in the car with you, even if he is monopolizing the conversation for half an hour.)









August 31st, 2006 at 4:04 pm
Ok…like usual, because five college courses are kicking my literary behind, I haven’t watched it. So, I must rely on Sammit to deliver the news, and this week, good news is delivered…sorta.
I’m glad Angela is gone. She doesn’t design well. Jeffrey? He needs to go. That whole wanna-be-rock-star-hopin’-to-get-some-action deal is overplayed and tired.
I hope tomorrow I’ll get to watch it for myself. For once Uli disappointed me…Michael probably should have won, although from the photo, his pants remind me slightly of the 80’s parachute pants, so I really need to see the show to support the high opinion of his outfit. Given that Laura is pregnant, I’m not so sure that she would want a knot in the front to bring attention to the small bump that is growing. The judges probably should have thought out that remark a little more.