I just finished watching "Wait Until Dark" again — the movie where Audrey Hepburn plays a recently blinded woman terrorized by three thugs (Richard Crenna as the sympathetic one, Jack Weston as the portly one and Alan Arkin as the pure evil one) who are after a heroin-filled doll that’s in her apartment. (FYI, Arkin is now on screens as the heroin-addicted grandfather in "Little Miss Sunshine.")Now, I loves me some Audrey Hepburn style. I mean, here she is, playing a blind woman, and she looks fantastic through the whole movie, great eyeliner, fantastic (false?) lashes, amazing hairstyle with a razor-sharp part … all created without the ability to see. I’m willing to suspend disbelief at all that, just because, well, she’s Audrey Hepburn.But.One part of the film is that her husband is pushing her to be totally independent — "the best blind lady in the world," I think she says — and there’s a scene near the beginning when he stands stock-still and says, "Come to me," trying to get her to navigate through the apartment.So, — spoiler alert! — after a night when she’s trapped in her apartment by three strangers, manages to turn the tables on them and — superspoiler alert! — even kills one of them in self-defense, the police and her husband show up. And when they burst into the apartment, walking over more than one dead body, they eventually find her, cowering and alive but traumatized, what does he do?He stands in the middle of the room and says, "I’m right here. Come to me." (And she does, all glisten-eyed and thrilled to be reunited with her man.)Whereas I would have been, "For your information, in case you haven’t noticed, I have outwitted three criminals, swapped out water in a flowerpot for photo chemicals that temporarily blinded one of them, killed a man … and survived. There is gasoline spilled all over this apartment, sharp glass from where I knocked out all the light bulbs to even the score, and a couple of dead men littering the floor, all because you thought it was OK to accept a doll from a stranger at an airport. And I still look awesome. You can walk your sorry @$$ over here to me."Which is yet another reason why I will never be the new Audrey Hepburn.

Posted in: Uncategorized |

You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.