AMERICA’S NEXT TOP MODEL WANNABES

August 16th, 2006, 1:51 pm · Post a Comment · posted by Sam Mittelsteadt

It looks like my Wednesdays are going to get a little busier starting in mid-September: The seventh season of "America’s Next Top Model" kicks in on the CW network on the 20th. And I’m going to recap each episode, along with "Project Runway," so it’s online bright and early Thursday morning.

They’ve released the names and photos of the "ANTM" contestants, and I don’t know if it’s because I’ve watched too many seasons (which they insist on calling "cycles," which makes me think of dog food), but I think I can already pick out the archetypes, just by looking at their pictures.

ANCHAL (left): The one with the striking face who can only give one "look" and will be dumped because she can’t show a range of expression. Also possible: The one who freaks out when they chop her hair off.

A.J. (right): The tomboy who, after a battle of wills with the judges, realizes that embracing your femininity isn’t necessarily a bad thing.

AMANDA (left) and twin sister MICHELLE (right): The jolie/laude girls who Tyra raves about after they learn how to put on makeup and get rid of that bland hair color. Amanda will last longer than Michelle, if the above pictures are any indication.

BROOKE (left): The small-town naif who cracks under the pressure of being away from her family. (Also possible: The bigot from Texas.)

CARIDEE (right): The one from North Dakota. (Also possible: The one who can’t stop giving off sexual vibes in her photos.)

CHRISTIAN (left): The one who gets her hair chopped short to show off her "interesting" face.

EUGENA (right): The one who gets the really long weave.

JAEDA (left): The one I refuse to believe wasn’t born a man.

MEGAN (right): The one who is "too old" to win, because she’s the ripe old age of 23. (Also: The one I probably want to win, unless she’s really stupid or mean.)