This week’s episode encourages the slacker in all of us: BRADLEY can’t figure out what to design, spends his time moping and sighing, and can’t figure out why he has to finish an outfit at all. Also, it appears he’s opposed to washing and combing his hair.This being TV, the judges coo over the haphazard pile of … fabric he cobbles together to make a blouse. I blame this entirely on guest judge Vera Wang, who after two weeks apparently has infected even the usually sane Nina Garcia, who says (without laughing): "I can see shooting that for Elle!" Meanwhile, "Target textiles designer" KATHERINE — herself unencumbered by the niceties of combing or brushing her hair, but no stranger to rubber band pig(let)tails — gets sent home for shoddy, uninspired workmanship. (Note to self: Avoid anything Mossimo for the next few seasons.) You know how they say animals can sense disasters before humans? That explains why her dog started whimpering on the runway during judging — well, that and the outfit she created for her model.In honor of Bradley, I don’t really see why I have to finish anything. If I’m not really inspired, I’m going to move on to the next –Where was I? Oh, yeah: How old is guest judge IVANKA TRUMP? Because she’s amazingly well-spoken and mature for someone born in 1981. (But preternaturally shiny, as seen in the picture at right.) You know how you see some women in their early to mid-20s and they act like idiots, sound — um, like, y’know, they never graduated from Valley High? — and generally set back the progress of women?Compare and contrast: Trump is only two months older than Britney Spears, half a year younger than Paris Hilton and a full six years younger than Tara Reid, but she might as well be their tutor in Well-Behaved, Appropriate Behavior and Speech.Anyway, back to the start of the challenge: Heidi tells the designers they’ll be creating something related to "one of fashion’s hottest accessories," then sends them home to reflect and speculate. The next morning, when Laura reads the note that tells them to meet Tim Gunn in the park, she decides that means the accessory might be a horse, and dresses appropriately: Jodhpurs, riding boots … I bet she has a riding crop just waiting somewhere, too. She looks like she’d have one, either for her kids or her husband. Speaking of accessories, Angela is again wearing those stupid green plastic-framed cat-eye glasses that scream Crazy Cat Lady of Santa Fe. And Keith is wearing a trilby-style hat that makes me think of "Blossom." Luckily, before I can finish the theme song ("Don’t know about the future / That’s anybody’s guess / Ain’t no good reason for gettin’ all depressed…") in my head, Tim crests the dale with a pack of handbag-sized dogs on leashes. "One of fashion’s hottest accessories?" How long ago was this series taped, exactly? I expect next week’s episode to include the news flash that a new, slim cell phone called the Razr is going to be popular, or that oversize sunglasses and eating disorders will soon be all the rage among Hollywood starlets.The designers learn they’ve got to create a womenswear outfit inspired by the dog (and come up with a story about the owner), and also create a matching outfit for the dog. Keith waxes rhapsodic about how his Chinese crested breed is rare and exotic (read: ugly). Laura doesn’t like dogs and holds hers in a shopping bag as far away from her as her arms can manage, like a bag full of rats, or poo, or bubble skirts by Angela.At the fabric store, Alison begins with a ho-hum story about how her imaginary owner is "a girl who travels the world," which is right up there with "old Hollywood glamor" in the Project Runway overused-phrases category. Not in that category: Angela’s crazy scenario of a headmistress of a British art camp called Jubilee Jumbles — it’s her dog’s birthday so she’s throwing it a party.Angela is wearing a patchwork railroad conductor’s hat, turned to the side, that reminds me of the Dolly Parton song "Coat of Many Colors"

Ooh, this is gonna be a tough one to reconcile: I’ve already gone on record against the whole celebrity fragrance thing (and by the way, how come nobody added Michael Jordan to the list of no-thanks scent makers?).But: I loves me some Kylie Minogue.I love the fact she’s my age and still sexy — in an adult-woman way, not in some grasping, desperately-trying to-recapture-her-halcyon-days manner (cough, cough, Mariah Carey). I love the fact she’s got a hot actor boyfriend, Olivier Martinez, but won’t rush into an engagement like so many other stars do, only to regret it shortly afterward (cough, cough, Jennifer Lopez, Drew Barrymore, George Michael). And I love the fact she’s a breast cancer survivor who’s going to pick up her touring soon.I do not, however, love the fact that she’s signed a deal with Coty — the company that already has foisted upon us "smell-ebrities" like Celine Dion and David and (shudder) Victoria Beckham — to create a line of fragrance and "ancillary products" (read: lotion, shower gel).I am taking comfort in the fact that Coty’s press release mentions that the products will be launched in fall 2006 in "Australia, the UK and Ireland and subsequently throughout Europe and Asia" — no mention of the U.S. debut.But I am somewhat chagrined to learn from the same press release that there is apparently a "Desperate Housewives" fragrance — and it’s in the "prestige" category, alongside Jennifer Lopez and Sarah Jessica Parker’s scents, not caught among the rabble of the "beauty" category like Shania Twain and Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen.

I can’t tell if this is savvy marketing or a huge blunder: Avon decided to use "Days of Our Lives" actors Peter Reckell and Kristian Alfonso (Bo and Hope) as the stars of its ad campaign for Blue Rush fragrance for men and women.On one hand, soap operas have a huge audience, popular with women 18 to 49 who make up a large part of Avon’s target demographic. There’s even a cable channel that shows nothing but rerun soaps.On the other hand: Aren’t most people embarrassed to admit they watch soaps? I thought they was the sort of program you admitted to watching only because you were bedridden for a week, or a college student practicing up on your irony skills on your free afternoons.This statement from the director of Avon’s U.S. fragrances, however, is bad no matter what: "Blue Rush mirrors the passionate relationship of Bo and Hope. The fragrance is about getting swept away by the feeling of the intoxicating rush of passion."Getting swept away by the feeling of the intoxicating rush of passion will cost you $16.50 (for him) or $17.50 at www.avon.com.

… and also apparently occasionally responsible for murder, rape and mutilation.

The World Diamond Council has launched a $15 million public relations campaign to counteract the black eye the diamond industry’s going to get in Leonardo DiCaprio’s movie "The Blood Diamond." The movie, which portrays the civil strife in the African country of Sierra Leone during the late 1990s, apparently doesn’t gloss over the role that "conflict diamonds" played in funding the rebel armies’ fight.

(Why the damage control? More than 25% of all diamond sales happen between Thanksgiving and New Year’s.)

This kind of stuff never happens over cubic zirconium.

Not an oxymoron — or as much of one as you might think, anyway. Designers in Tehran, Iran, had a fashion show on Saturday, and while some of the burqa designs have a distinctly traditional look about them — like the all-black number at left — it’s refreshing to see the variations that were offered and still fell within acceptable boundaries.

For example, this one has a whole "Sound of Music"/Carmelite-nun vibe going on — sure, it’s mitigated by the barefoot, wrapped feet, and in reality more of the woman’s face would be covered up, but still. It looks more like a jumper/turtleneck combo.

And this one has a Middle European peasant feel to it, with its detailing and trim. So stock your sniggering: At least they’re trying to bring some fashion to mandatory garb.

(Although I bet the woman who wore the last design would get her feet chopped off for wearing something sheer-ish that shows her ankles so provocatively.)

Elizabeth Hurley will star in the latest ad campaign for Jordache jeans — I hesitate to call her the "face" of the company but calling her the butt of it really doesn’t sound right, either, does it?

It’s the continuation of ’70s brands trying to reinvent themselves in a new millennium: Last year’s ad campaign for Gloria Vanderbilt jeans featured supermodels like Gisele Bundchen squeezed into a pair. (Jordache, on the other hand, started out with Brittany Murphy before upgrading to Hurley.)

Want to win a full-size jar of Tangerine Fig Body Creme, one of the Red Flower Hammam products used in the signature full-body treatment massage at the VH Spa at the Hotel Valley Ho in downtown Scottsdale? (The no-brainer answer: Yes, you do. It’s incredible.)To enter, ship me an e-mail by clicking this link and including your name and mailing address, and the words RED FLOWER as the subject line. I’ll draw a winner from the entries received by noon Wednesday, July 26, and announce his or her name here.A reminder: If you can, use an address that won’t allow the mail carrier to leave the box outside all day in 110-degree heat. The creme is rich in shea butter, which changes consistency when exposed to prolonged high temperatures. (And, anyway, trust me: Nothing inspires new levels of friendship from office co-workers like the prospect of sampling a new beauty product.)7/26 update: Congratulations to winner Cathie Buckmister, who works in Mesa. Her free jar of body creme is on its way!

So, never underestimate the news potential of a good haircut. Yesterday Steve Nash of the Phoenix Suns displayed his new buzz cut to much media attention. It started me thinking: Who else went suddenly, dramatically bald? I suspect Nash’s new look will be universally well-received — he looks cleaner, and it’s easier to mop away the sweat from a close-cropped head.Ask David Beckham: Remember when the British soccer star was known as much for his many-changing hairstyles as his fielding abilities?Natalie Portman shaved her head on screen for the movie "V" …… but Demi Moore did it first for "GI Jane."Brad Pitt looks way better now, too. Ask Angelina Jolie.However, it’s not a look for everyone. Some of us end up just looking like Satan, as I found out a couple of years ago — especially when I tried it with a goatee. Luckily, my hair grows out fast (see photo in my banner as proof).

Tonight’s episode shows what happens when passive-aggressive meets full-blown crazy, and it’s not pretty. And neither are many of the dresses the designers create for Miss USA Tara Conner, who’s going to wear one (highly tweaked) gown in the Miss Universe contest.Perhaps not surprisingly, self-described pageant freak KAYNE (pictured) wins the challenge with an orchid-and/or-mocha colored confection pretty much guaranteed to garner major beauty queen kudos. (I’ll get it over with early: Miss USA has been branded with the mark of Kayne!) Surprisingly, I feel sad — no, cheated — when it’s MALAN who’s sent packing, and not unhelpful harpy ANGELA or exasperatingly dithery nutjob VINCENT.Oh, and there are models. One’s not picked by a designer and goes home. This part bores me.Anyway, the designers get 30 minutes to sketch their proposals. Angela spends all her time latched onto Kayne like a remora on a shark, proposing they work together so she can "bring him out of his safety zone," presumably by suggesting some lame-@55 version of that whole bubble-skirt-with-Frye-boots outfit she’s been working since she showed up.The designers meet with Tara individually; KEITH makes some creepy comments about her legs — maybe it’s the way he’s looking at her? — while Angela informs her she has no sketch, because she doesn’t sketch, and instead starts asking questions: How does she feel about an empire waist? Until this moment Tara has fielded every silly comment or question nobly, but the look she shoots the camera when Angela shows up is priceless. Hers is not one of the designs chosen — because she doesn’t even have a design.The team leaders — Keith, ULI, Vincent, LAURA, Malan, JEFFREY and Kayne — pick partners to work with; Angela is the last one chosen. In a moment that sums up the next 40 minutes, Vincent says: "I’d be pleased to work with ALISON," then winces when Angela informs him of her actual name.The other designers seem to get along swimmingly: Kayne and ROBERT are like two peas in a pod; Laura picks MICHAEL because she knows he’d challenge her weaknesses; Uli and BONNIE seem full of girl power; BRADLEY’s not sure about Keith at the beginning but seems reassured relatively quickly; Malan and KATHERINE seem a bit chilly but agreeable; Jeffrey and Alison are there somewhere. …Vincent and Angela, meanwhile, are starring in the fashion-design production of "Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf?" It begins as early as the fabric store, where Angela persistently reminds Vincent how much time they have. Now, I’m not saying I wouldn’t have worried about a nutjob like Vincent blowing the whole half-hour by wandering around muttering, "I’m liking this! It’s hitting me like now!" while he stares at a bolt of muslin and a sewing needle. But going after him like an SAT monitor is hardly helping things. Neither is telling him his design looks like something you made in college. Even if it’s true.Before the end of Day One, Vincent has ordered Angela to stay 3 feet away from him so he can hallucinate — I mean, work — and she reacts the way you and I probably would if issued a restraining order by someone who’s obviously had a few served on himself a few times: By seething and disavowing any blame for the dress.Yay, Tim Gunn time! He warns Malan that his dress looks "heavy — like it was carved out of a big log." The ruching on the bodice looks like lumpy walnuts: Exactly what every beauty queen wants to wear on the stage. Katherine tells Malan he’ll have to defend it to the judges, because she won’t.Oh, Malan has major mom issues: He says to nobody in particular that when he was 13 he showed his mother his sketches, which she threw on the ground and told him never to do that again. He vows his success on this show is "going to show her."Anyway, it’s runway time: Guest judge is Vera Wang, who actually makes me miss Michael Kors’ braying. She may be a talented designer — or at least she supervises talented designers and slaps her name on their creations — but she’s bland as butterless grits. And she has questionable taste, as we’ll find out. Jeffrey’s "beautifully grotesque" creation features a one-shouldered champagne satin bodice draped casually over a matte gold camisole-style top, lending it a haphazard, next-day walk-of-shame look that’s not helped by the unevenly slung sash waist of the bronze satin ball gown skirt. It also makes the model look disproportionately stacked. Keith’s strapless ombre chiffon gown is voluminous with a Grecian feel — pretty, but pretty simple: Better for a designer runway than the spectacle required in pageantry.Kayne, meanwhile: Has. It. Down. The fabric is iridescent — orchid? canteloupe? mocha? yes, all of the above — satin with a sweetheart neckline, but an amazing necklace of amber and amethyst beads spills gemstones down to the model’s navel and, on the other side, to the small of her back. It’s hourglassy and cut to fit like a glove until the knee, when it busts out into a ruffled, gathered train. It’s exactly what you would expect from a guy who specializes in pageant gowns, who had assistance from a guy who’s worked for years making clothing for Barbie. It’s awesome.The bodice of Malan’s copper-colored satin gown is covered with matte burnt-umber gathered silk. The ruching is flattering at the waist but bunches unevenly across the breasts, lending the model a lumpy, disproportionate look. The bottom is several inches too short, and unfinished.Uli’s dress alternates layers of chiffon — mauve atop copper atop mauve– and when the model walks, the fabric wafts and flows like crazy. The halter-style top is cut kind of low with little support, however, which allows for a distracting amount of jiggle.Laura has created a simple, classic white column sheath with sensational beading. Beautiful but sort of nondescript, except for the beading — again, nothing a pageant girl would wear. And, curiously, she picked the color even though Tara had suggested earth tones and requested no white. I wonder if she thought her design would trump Tara’s preferences?And Vincent: Poor, clueless, assistant-less Vincent. His kiwi/chartreuse satin gown has awkward cap sleeves and an ill-fitting bodice with what looks like diagonal seaming. The sides of the bust fan out in an unflattering manner, and the gathers that create the sleeves look uneven.Runway talk: Vera Wang, for some reason, likes Vincent’s dress (maybe it’s the simplicity of the back?), as does Tara, who nonetheless would like to see it tailored to get rid of the "space cadet" sleeves. The judges take Angela to task for working against her partner, not with him. However, nobody takes her to task for wearing yet another stupid bubble skirt with cropped denim jacket, those boots … and vertically striped sheer hose. She is dressed like Ariel from "Footloose" channeling Madonna circa "Desperately Seeking Susan."Katherine says she wouldn’t like to go home if they don’t like Malan’s dress, since it was his design. To his credit, he offers to fall on his own sword if his dress is the worst. Apparently he’s the only person who doesn’t remember what happens to people who do that. (See: Daniel Franco’s ouster during the lingerie challenge from Season 2.)Laura, Jeffrey and Keith, you and your partners are safe. So are Bonnie, Uli, Robert and Katherine. Kayne is the winner. And then — what the…? Vincent is SAFE?! (Oh, yeah: We need "crazy" around to balance out the "egotistical" that’s about to blow up in a few weeks.)It’s down to Malan and Angela. Which is worse: Bad design skills or bad cooperation skills? And just when you start tallying the screen time in tonight’s episode — usually a fair barometer of who’s going home (more camera = more likely) — Angela is safe.Malan seems pretty stoic, except when he starts crying outside the room and talking about how he never had many friends growing up and how he finally felt like he was part of something here, until he was kicked off. (Which is to say, the entire time he’s on camera.) And, just one week after I hated him on first sight, I feel sorry for the man and his rheumy eyes and weird accent.Mama, he’s coming home. Be gentle with him: He’s a fragile boy.

I really, really wanted to like "House of Boateng," the six-part series on the Sundance Channel that follows British menswear designer Ozwald Boateng’s attempts to get a foot in the door in the American market.But the episodes have been draggy, even at a half-hour each: Boateng micromanages his apparently feckless staff while simultaneously trying open a flagship store in New York. But it’s not clear whether these "problems" actually exist or whether he’s just blowing things out of proportion, because viewers only see his perspective — him talking on a phone. And anyone who’s been stuck in a car with someone on a cell phone knows how interesting THAT is to watch and listen to.The main problem: We’re not invested enough in his success. Boateng’s already the head menswear designer at Givenchy (one whole episode was devoted to him readying his show in Paris), so how much does it matter whether his own venture, Bespoke Couture, succeeds or fails in New York? When he’s soliciting potential partners, the speed and brusqueness with which he’s summarily rejected should leave us rooting for him as the underdog … but we don’t. His meetings are presented flatly, with little explanation as to the importance of this venture.Even the footage at the Givenchy fashion show was boring, not riveting: Backstage, Boateng gets a manicure, his toddler son needs to be escorted to his mother in the audience, etc.I will say, the man knows how to cut a suit. If anything, it makes me want to run out and get several well-tailored slim suits so I can look like him.