My sister-in-law forwarded me a message that included some of the rules women should remember when sandal weather approaches. Included:"I promise to always wear sandals that fit. My toes (or toenails)will not hang over and touch the ground, nor will my heels spill over thebacks. And the sides and tops of my feet will not pudge out betweenthe straps."I will go polish-free or vow to keep the polish fresh, intact and chip-free. I will not cheat and just touch up my big toe."I will sand down any mounds of skin before they turn hard and yellow."I won’t wear pantyhose even if my misinformed girlfriend, co-worker, mother or sister tells me the toe seam really will stay under my toes if I tuck it there."I will not live in corn denial; rather I will lean on my good friend Dr. Scholl’s if my feet need him."I will be brutally honest with my girlfriend/sister/coworker when she asks me if her feet are too ugly to wear sandals. Someone has to tell her that her toes are as long as my fingers and no sandal makes creepy feet look good."The message also included photos of some of the most frightening toenails I’d ever seen. (Believe it or not, the feet at left are one of the tamer pairs — I skipped the airbrush-action ones.) Technically, yes, the polish is good, but for god’s sake, woman: This is just nasty. I can’t accentuate this enough: NASTY! If you want to walk around with bird-talon toenails so you can scratch lines in the dirt with your feet, don’t make innocent bystanders look at them.The only silver lining: The horrific nails distract from the fact she’s got a toe ring on every single toe. That’s Klassy with a capital K.

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